


Guide My Heart

by sunxdancer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, F/F, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn, This will be fluffy, alternate universe fic, and pretty happy, little to no angst, other characters may show up, slight miller/monty, will add them as story progresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-12 00:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4458956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunxdancer/pseuds/sunxdancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alert (Guide) Dog AU<br/>or<br/>where Lexa needs an alert dog and Clarke happens to work at the center.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this fix idea a couple weeks ago and have been unable to get it out of my head. I have never posted a fic before, but have always enjoyed writing. please let me know what you think! I also don't usually write in 2nd person so I apologize for any accidental tense slip-ups!

You wake up at precisely 8:00am, as you do every morning, and simply lie in bed for a couple minutes. You have nothing planned for today and consider staying in bed for a little longer, but, the music blasting from the room next to yours will prove impossible to fall back asleep to.

You groan inwardly at Anya for the amount of noise she is making, before sliding out of bed, quickly pulling on your favorite pair of jean shorts and a simple black t-shirt before sliding into a pair of worn sneakers and making your way downstairs. Your parents greet you at the table, a plate heaping with eggs, bacon, and toast sitting at your spot. You eye the plate suspiciously, wondering what the occasion is, but give them each a kiss and sit down nonetheless.

“So, what’s the occasion?” You ask curiously as you start shoving food into your mouth. Your mother looks at you with a glance of disapproval and your dad eyes you over the top of his newspaper before setting it down on the table.

“We got a call yesterday afternoon, and we didn’t want to tell you yet in case it didn’t work out, but we are going somewhere pretty special today.” Your dad tells you, fingers folded together on top of his paper. You begin to get a little nervous, and excited, about what this special place is, so naturally, you ask.

“Well what is it?” Your father shares a quick smile with your mother who gets up and hands you an envelope. You don’t bother to look at the return address before sliding open the envelope and taking out a thick stack of paper inside. You glance briefly at the top letter, it is addressed to you. You look up at your parents, who nod for you to continue reading, and you take a deep breath, quickly scanning the first few lines.

_Dear Miss Alexandra Woods,_

_I am very pleased to inform you that you will soon be in the possession of a Paw Lives specially trained alert dog! We apologize profusely for the wait, but as you know, our dogs are trained to the highest standard, and with such a high demand, it takes time to find the perfect dog for every candidate. We would like to se…”_

You stop reading and your mouth drops open in shock as you start to sputter, not sure what to do with the rush of emotion that overwhelms you. To your horror, you begin to cry and you wipe at your eyes furiously as the tears drip down your face. You mother immediately gets up and comes over to you, she hugs your fiercely, kissing the top of your head and whispering in your ear, her voice soft and warm.

“Lexa, Lexa, sweetheart, it’s okay!”

You nod your head, embarrassed by your actions, as the last time you can even recall crying in front of your parents was in 5th grade when you broke your arm after swinging a little too ambitiously on the swings.

“I know, I know. I just can’t believe it! An alert dog! It’s been so long since we applied I thought that I would never get accepted.”

You father has rounded the table to sit next to you, and puts his hand over yours and squeezes before replying “I know it’s been a long wait, longer than any of us expected, but this will be such a positive impact on your life Lex!” You smile at him, tears having stopped as you gain control of your emotions.

“So when do we leave?” You are unable to contain the excitement that leaks into your voice and your parents smile fondly at you.

“Our appointment is at 10:30, and it will take us about a half hour to get there.” Your father checks his watch quickly, “So you have about 45 minutes before we need to leave.”

“Does Anya know?” You question of your sister whose music you still faintly hear pumping from upstairs.

“Yes, she was dying to tell you, but she promised she would help keep it a surprise.” Your mother tells you. You nod, before collecting the rest of the papers and gesturing toward the couch, “I’m going to go read these over” you state, but not before pulling your parents in for a tight hug. If they seem surprised at the uncharacteristic physical contact from you, they don’t show it, but simply nod their acquaintance and resume their places at the table.

||

You show up at the center at 10:15, your Dad always likes to be early rather than late, a trait you have inherited from him. Plus, you had practically forced your parents out of the house, so anxious to get to the center. The main center itself is small, but the property extends far back. You can make out the shape of at least 5 fenced in areas and smaller buildings that you assume hold dogs, seeing as the main center is much too small to hold the almost 50 dogs the center has. You stand squinting into the bright sunlight while your parents move ahead of you to the center. Anya stands with you and she grabs your hand and squeezes it, “You excited?” she asks.

You nod vigorously in affirmation and she laughs before pulling you along with her toward the front door. You walk into the center to the sounds of barking and chatting voices and glance quickly around. You note your parents talking at the front desk and, assuming that taken care of, you walk over to one of kennels in the main room, housing a beautiful chocolate lab. You lean over the enclosure to pet him, and he pushes his head eagerly into your hand.

“Well, he sure seems to like you! Although, Gus does like everyone. Kind of the point of a welcome dog.”

You turn your head around to find the voice that interrupted your peace with the dog and find a girl about your age. The first thing you notice is a shock of blonde hair, and the second is large blue eyes. She is beautiful. So beautiful that your thoughts seem to shut down and all you can do is simply look at her.  

“Um, hey, are you okay?” She asks, sounding mildly concerned. You shake yourself out of your thoughts enough to realize that you never responded to her. You also may have been staring at her a little longer than generally thought to be appropriate. Yes you definitely were. Your cheeks redden slightly out of embarrassment and the dog, Gus, pushes his head against your hand again, almost as if to assuage you of your embarrassment. You pet him thankfully, and straighten your back to turn your body to face her fully, “Yes, I do apologize. I got a little lost in my thoughts there. My name is Lexa Woods.” You tell her as you stick your hand out to shake.

She seems taken aback, by your sudden change in demeanor or formality you can’t tell, but she shakes your hand regardless, breaking out in a wide smile.

“Very nice to meet you Lexa! My name is Clarke. Clarke Griffin. My mom co-owns the place, and I work here.” You look down as your bare leg is nosed by a wet snout to see a beautiful australian shepherd with the same piercing blue eyes as this girl.

Clarke looks down to see the object of your attention and laughs. You swear that her laughter is the most melodic sound you have ever heard and you feel strange tingles in your stomach listening to it. “And this, is Apollo, he doesn't like to be left out of any introductions.” She says as she pets the dog affectionately.

You gesture to him before asking, “Another welcome dog?” Clarke shakes her head, “Nope, this is my very own guide dog.” You look at her slightly surprised, she seems so normal, but then you remind yourself, so do you. Well, mostly normal. You finger the medical alert bracelet around your wrist, a nervous habit you have developed, and look curiously at her, but not intending on pushing the subject unless she offers anything up. When neither of you speak you rush on to say, “Well he is truly a beautiful dog.”

“Thank you!” She quips before your parents and Anya walk up behind you, and a woman who has Clarke’s wide smile come up behind Clarke. “Hello Alexandra, I see you have met my daughter Clarke. I am Abigail Griffin, and I co-own Paw Lives. I have some paperwork and formalities to discuss with your parents, but while we are doing that I thought Clarke could show you our seizure alert dogs, since she had a large hand in training a couple of them, and we can meet you up there.”

You see a look of embarrassment flitter across Clarke’s face before she smiles up at her Mom and nods, “Of course! Lexa, if you want to come with me we can head right up?” You look to your sister, “Anya, are you going to come up?” She is currently kneeling on the floor having her face smothered in kisses from Gus, so she waves you on. You parents give you small nods of encouragement so you turn to follow Clarke before she leads you out the door and toward the kennels you had seen when you first pulled in.

You walk in comfortable silence but you can tell that Clarke is dying to ask you questions so you aren’t surprised when she turns to you and blurts out, “So, seizure alert dog?”You nod your head, “Yes. I have epilepsy.” You don’t offer up any more information, and are mentally kicking yourself for being so inept at conversations, but Clarke doesn't seem to mind. She carries on, “We have some really, really great seizure dogs, but then again, I may be a little biased.”

“Your mom said that you trained some of them?” She nods, “Yep! Apollo here was actually my first trainee. I was working with him to be an emotional support dog, but he ended up getting too attached to me. Beginner mistakes.” She said, and shakes her head regretfully.

“So he’s just like your pet now?”

“No, he is still an emotional support dog, just for me. He’s helped me a lot, though.” She said softly. You could tell that there was more to the story, and you were a little disappointed she didn’t share it with you. You remind yourself that you had just met the girl like an hour ago.

But  you couldn't imagine this girl, who was so full of life and so vibrant, having any sort of imperfection. You can’t help but wonder what is hiding behind that wide smile. Her eyes met yours and lock, and almost against your will, you blurt  out more about your condition, wanting her to know more. “I have the kind of epilepsy that causes generalized seizures, so I don’t have much warning before I’m unconscious on the floor rolling around.” You try to joke, but it comes out dry and you drop your eyes to the ground. But Clarke places a hand your arm, encouraging you to look up again, if not just from the shock of physical contact with the blonde.

You see only concern in her blue eyes and it’s not long before you are drowning in their depths. The blue is fractured by the harsh sunlight and you see shattered pieces of the ocean before a storm , the sky at midday, the waves crashing on a rocky shore; you see the world in those blue eyes. You break apart from your trance when Apollo nudges your legs from behind and you see Clarke blushing as you break eye contact with her; she had been staring as intently at you as you were at her.

She clears her throat awkwardly before opening the kennel door and you are greeted with a chorus of excited barks as you in Clarke walk in and she shuts the door securely behind you.

“So,” she begins, as her tone slips back to professional, “an alert dog will really help you. How many seizures do you typically have?”

You answer her honestly, “Yes, and alert dog will really help. I have a very good medicine that can stop a seizure before it happens, but it needs to be taken about 20 minutes before the seizure occurs. I generally have little to no warning to when a seizure will occur but the dog will be able to alert me.” Clarke nods, “They could be pretty dangerous then?”

You nod in affirmation, “Yes. I could have one anywhere; driving, walking across the street, in the middle of a test,” you trail off letting Clarke get the idea of how much the seizures affect your life, not only are they inconvenient and embarrassing, but the physical side effects are damaging as well.

Clarke gestures grandly around the room, “Well let’s not waste another second, here are our seizure alert dogs! We have 15, do you have a size preference?”

“Size? Of what?” You inquire glancing briefly around the well maintained room, noting that each dog has a bed in their kennel as well as a slot in the wall that seemed to lead to an outside pen.

Clarke giggled at you, “Of dog! A big dog, small dog…” She trails off and you feel stupid for not understanding her, “I would prefer a medium or big sized dog.”

Clarke nods and leads you toward the back of the kennel where she explains that they have 8 medium to large dogs for her to look at, all trained and all excellent dogs.

“Do you have a favorite?”

Clarke shakes her head, “I don’t want to bias you, but I did train Dawn, Bella, Leo, and Walter.” Clarke moves her ear close to the shell of your ear and sends shivers down your spine at the proximity you two share, she whispers “Bella is my personal favorite though.”

You take each dog out in turn and are delighted with all of them, but like Clarke, you feel a certain connection to Bella. Bella is, according to Clarke, a 3 year old pitbull and labrador mix. She is the tawny color of a yellow lab, but has the face and broad chest of a pitbull. When you take her out she sits quietly, waiting on your instruction, and you can’t help but drop to your knees in front of her, which she takes as an invitation to cover you with kisses. You are still on the floor with her when the door of the kennel opens and the rest of your family plus Abigail Griffin walk in.

You watch their faces erupt into smiles at the sight of you and Bella, and you know in your chest that she is the dog for you. You look at your parents and simply nod, and you can’t miss the squeal of joy that comes from Clarke at you having chosen her favorite dog.

You stand up and Bella takes her place right beside you, licking your fingers until you scratch her on the head. Abigail begins to explain to you the process of adopting Bella and you listen only half heartedly, too excited at the prospect of having Bella, and all of the opportunities she could open for you.

Your refocus when Abigail begins to mention home training visits “and of course it will take a little while to develop fully the bond between Alexandra and Bella. We also have to have Alexandra take over her training, but in order to do that, she needs to be trained as well.” She laughs along with your parents and you look at Clarke for some explanation.

“We have to keep up with Bella’s training while in your home environment, and someone needs to teach you how to train her!” You nod, understanding more that Bella is not an instant fix, and it was going to take a little time before she was alerting you accurately. You begin to listen again, “Since Clarke has trained Bella, and she is a special favorite, I am going to assign her to your training sessions. She knows better than anyone how Bella responds and is very capable.”

She directs this last part toward your parents, who look a little unsure at the prospect of a girl no older than Lexa being responsible for the training of the dog that will have such a large impact on your life. Your heart seizes at the knowledge that not only will Bella be yours, but you will get to see Clarke again. She looks equally excited at the opportunity and smiles happily at you, you can’t help the answering smile that spreads across your face.

 


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so thankful to all of you who took the time to read my little story! I'm really not sure how long this is going to be, but I have at least the next two chapters all planned out, I hope you enjoy! sorry if it's a little short, but I figured a short update was better then no update!

CLARKE

You smile happily at the beautiful girl standing beside you. You aren’t sure of exactly what you are feeling; why you legs feel wobbly and your heart is clenching in your chest and you can’t keep this ridiculously huge smile off of your face. You know you look like a fool standing there grinning, but Lexa is smiling back at you and you can’t bring yourself to be embarrassed.

Your Mom goes over the rest of the general protocol with the family but you aren’t paying much attention, having heard the spiel hundreds of times before. You hear a gasp of excitement from Lexa when she learns that Bella will be able to go home today, if they don’t mind hanging around for a bit while she gets the paperwork together.

The parents’ break off to talk and a tall girl with dark black hair, who you assume to be a sister, comes up to talk to Lexa. She glances curiously over at you, her eyes harsh and rimmed in enough black eyeliner to have lasted you a year. Her gaze remains on you as you notice Lexa whispering to her, and you can’t help but ~~wonder~~ hope that they are talking about you.

Whatever Lexa is saying, it seems to be satisfactory because Anya offers you a small smile and you answer her with a grin.

Lexa glances at you and you pretend not to notice as you clean up Bella’s kennel, but you can feel your heart beating into your throat at the attention. Apollo comes up and nudges your hand gently, alerted by your rapid increase in heart rate. You rub his head to assure him that you are fine and you swear that he looks at you with a knowing look as you steal a glance over to Lexa.

The girl is something else. First, she is plain beautiful. You aren’t sure how she does it, but she manages to make a simple shirt and pair of shorts look like an outfit worthy of the runway. She has a beautifully defined jaw line, but you know that it was her eyes that really pulled you in at first. Hauntingly beautiful green grey eyes; they held a depth to them that you had never experienced and locking eyes with her quite literally left you breathless. You try to memorize the exact shade of those eyes; jade green in the sunlight, but grey like a winter’s sky in the absence of sun. You know that you will want to pull out your paints as soon as you can run back to the house, rushing to get the indescribable complexity of those eyes onto paper.

Your eyes trail over a wide forehead, dark eyebrows, down to perfectly shaped pink lips. You get a little lost at her lips, and you only notice your preoccupation when Lexa is standing right in front of you speaking your name.

You quickly focus back on a more appropriate part of her face and feel your face flushing a deep red “Where did everyone go?” You ask, noticing that you and Lexa were the only ones remaining in the kennel. She looks at you strangely, but her mouth is curved into a slight smirk.

You realize suddenly that you are attracted to this girl. You’ve always thought that both boys and girls alike were beautiful, but you have never felt this degree of attraction before. You are a little scared and a lot exhilarated. You shake your head to regain your composure and quickly leash Bella before leading both Lexa and the dogs outside.

You almost walk right into Octavia and you stop short enough that Lexa crashes into your back with a grunt, her head knocking into yours. You whip around quickly, “Are you okay?!” you exclaim while rubbing a slight sore spot on the back of your head.

Lexa nods, she is holding her nose in her hand and slowly withdraws her hand before poking gently at her nose. She must deem it to be fine because she looks up, focusing on the reason for your collision.

Octavia is unabashedly staring, not that you can blame her, but you elbow her before introducing her. “Octavia, this Lexa, she is adopting Bella…” Before you can finish Octavia jumps in, “I work here! And let me just say I am so happy you are taking Bella, she is a great dog! Also, very nice to meet you!” Octavia says all this in a rush and you watch Lexa try to adjust to the ball of energy that is Octavia Blake. She sticks a hand out toward Lexa, who grips it, giving her hand a quick pump before releasing it.

She turns her attention toward you, “And Clarke, how are you my love?!” She asks while practically jumping you in an attempt to hug you. You are barely able to retain your balance as the small girl grips you and you end up with a mouthful of dark brown hair.

“Octavia,” you chastise, “It’s been 3 days since you have seen me, not 3 months.” She frowns at your lack of enthusiasm but releases you with a wide smile. You look over to see a confused Lexa, she glances between the two of you and you can’t interpret the look on her face.

Octavia begins to pull you down the path to the main office and Lexa follows behind. You look back at her “Sorry about her, she’s a little too exuberant for most people.” Lexa smiles slightly at you, but you can tell she is uncomfortable.

“Hurry your asses up, I want to show you what I’ve been working on!” You roll your eyes at Octavia’s comment, then as her words register, a small bit of fear creeps in. Octavia and projects never seem to go that well, they usually end up incomplete and there was the one time Bellamy broke 3 ribs and Jasper got arrested during a “project”.

“Lexa, your parents and my Mom will be at least another ½ hour, do you mind if we go investigate whatever she is talking about?”

Lexa shrugs “That’s fine with me.” she replies, but she grips Bella’s leash a little tighter around her hand. You look around for Octavia, seeing that she has led you to what you call “The Pit”; it is supposed to be where employees hang out during breaks, but has turned into more of a sanctuary for your friends. You shriek when you feel a body land solidly on your back. You feel jean clad legs wrap around your middle and petite hands come around your neck to cover your eyes. You groan at your friend’s theatrics. but aren’t really too surprised. This is Octavia Blake, you have come to expect, and to love, her boundless energy, random acts of affection, and ability to turn anything into something exciting.

She instructs you to walk forward and when you feel your leg bump against a wooden step, you raise your leg to step awkwardly over the threshold, still holding Octavia and still blinded.

Octavia slides off your back, uncovering your eyes and presents the room with a grand flourish.

The Pit is close to your house, which is set on the far end of property, so your Mother wasn’t too surprised when you and your friends began to overtake it. You look around the familiar room to see the recently white walls covered by bright tapestries. The furniture is the same; a large couch, 2 armchairs, and a fold up table with mismatched chairs shoved into the corner of the room. A large TV dominates the space across from the couch and you laugh when you realize Bellamy’s Xbox seems to have found its permanent home here.

“So what do you think?” Octavia asks you impatiently. You pretend to look stoic, walking around the room slowly. In truth, you love it. The addition of the wall hangings make The Pit look so much cozier, and the tapestries themselves were beautiful. Octavia had tricked you into helping to pick them out, but she had claimed they were for her room.

“Do you not like it?” Octavia’s voice rises in pitch as you continue to remain silent. “Clarke! Do you hate it? Clarke Griffin you know how I do not like it when you leave me hanging!”You can’t hold it in anymore as you explode in laughter, Octavia looks at you with a mixture of relief and annoyance.

“You just have to do these things to me don’t you?!” She exclaims, plopping down in one of the armchairs with a pout on her face. She turns toward Lexa, “Lexa, what do you think?” She looks baffled at having been asked her opinion and looks around the room again. “Um, I like it?” She says it like a question and you can’t help the giggle that escapes your lips. She looks over at you and you try to compose your face. She seems to relax a little bit and speaks again, this time more confidently, “I do like it. But, um, where did the furniture come from?”

Both you and Octavia laugh at this, the furniture, as most things in the room, were a random collection of things from your friend’s houses that were destined for the garbage. The orange couch had been saved from Monty’s house, the two plaid armchairs from Raven’s, and Bellamy had found the folding table on the side of the road. You answer Lexa, “It’s kind of a random assortment, stuff that was otherwise going to be thrown out. It’s kind of an odd mixture, but it all works together somehow.”

Octavia comes over and flings her arm around you, “Just like us!” she says.

Lexa is walking around the room, Bella protectively at her side, when you hear the unmistakable sound of Octavia’s name being shouted. You turn to find her sprawled out on the couch, “Aren’t you supposed to be working O?” She jumps up, seemingly having forgotten she was even at work, and rushes to the door and yells out it, “I’ll be right there Bell! Don’t get your panties in a twist!”

She is snickering when she rushes back inside, gives you a kiss on the top of the head and pulls Lexa in for a hug. It takes her a moment to reciprocate, and by the time she does, Octavia is running out the door with shouts of “See you later!” and “Nice meeting you!” ringing in your ears.

You walk over to Lexa and gesture for her to take a seat on the couch before turning to face her. “I am really sorry about that. I know that you just came here to get a guide dog and not to be at a social event or be assaulted by my friends. You must be so uncomfortable.” You continue to ramble on until Lexa stops you with a hand on your thigh. You immediately stop talking and look up at her, to find a smile on her face.  

“Clarke, it’s okay. Really, Octavia seems pretty cool, if a little high energy, and this is a lot better than filling out paperwork.” She assures you. You still feel bad, but you do stop apologizing.

Sitting next to Lexa you realize you still know virtually nothing about her, so you slide over to the extreme end of the couch and gesture for Lexa to move over with you. She does, but with a questioning look. “I figured we could let Bella up on the couch.” You tell her, and Lexa brightens.

She taps the couch twice and Bella jumps up, settling herself down with her head in Lexa’s lap, looking perfectly content with the world. You can’t help but smile at the easy companionship the girl and the dog have already developed, Bella is a special dog, and will fit into Lexa’s life seamlessly.

Bella takes up a little more room than anticipated so you are kind of squished between Lexa and the edge of the couch. Your thighs and arms are pressed together and you can feel a tingle wherever your skin makes contact. You really don’t mind the position but it makes talking kind of awkward, so you regretfully scoot up so you are sitting on the arm of the couch and facing Lexa.

She looks momentarily disappointed at the loss of contact, but then her face clears so quickly you aren’t even sure if you had seen it.

“So Lexa, I realized that even though we have spent the better part of the day together, I know nothing about you! How old are you? Where do you go to school?”

She answers short and succinct, “I’m 18,  and I am actually home schooled, but I will be taking the GED this spring.”

You are surprised at this bit of information, and wonder if she is homeschooled because of her seizures, but you don’t ask.

“So you are kind of like going into senior year then?” She nods her head, “That’s cool! I’m a senior too! I’m 17, almost 18, I figured you were about my age!” She nods again but makes no attempt to converse further. You have never been too good at silence, so you start talking again.

“So what do you like to do? Like what are your hobbies? Do you like homeschooling?” The questions rattle off your tongue, and you don’t even give Lexa a chance to respond to one before asking another.

You try to tone down your excitement about finding out more about Lexa, but you find it hard to do. You finally stop talking and look at her expectaly and a little bit sheepishly. You hope that she will take the silence as an opportunity to answer your questions.

LEXA

Clarke is rattling off questions so fast to you that you have a hard time keeping up. She finally slows down, looking rather sheepish and gestures to you as if to say ‘I’m done, you can say your piece now’.

You looks down at your hands in your lap and wonder how to make your life sound a little less pathetic than it is. In truth, you are home schooled because of your seizures. Not only was having a seizure at school embarrassing and potentially dangerous, it was ‘disruptive to other students’. At least that is how the school had put it when they had asked you to consider a more specialized school or homeschooling. Your parents had been furious, but you had agreed.  

You were developing a lot of anxiety over being at school and the possibility of having a seizure. You had few friends, and tended to isolate yourself from anyone willing to become a friend. You still hang out with Costia occasionally, but as she moves on with her life you seem to become less and less a part of it. Of course there is Lincoln, but he is so much like your brother that you barely consider him a friend anymore, he is family.

You answer Clarke, choosing your words carefully, “Well, I really enjoy reading and writing. I am hoping to go to college to study journalism. Anya, my sister, is pretty much my best friend, but, with Bella here,” you say as you stroke her head gently before continuing, “I am hoping that I may be able to get out a little bit more.”

You hope that you don’t sound all that pathetic, although you do realize that you have alluded to the fact that you have virtually no friends. Your solitude has never bothered you much, but sitting next to Clarke, who is so talkative and obviously social, you feel a little embarrassed. “What about you?” You ask, hoping to change the subject away from you.   

Clarke is looking at you attentively, with no hint of pity on her face,  and this is something that you are extremely glad for.

“Well, besides working here with the dogs, I really love art. I mostly paint, but I am trying to get more into sketching and charcoal.”

Clarke’s face takes on a dreamy quality when she talks about her art; a look of pure contentment with a hint of excitement. “I would really love to draw you.” pops out of her mouth and before the shock can even compose itself on your face, she covers her mouth with her hands and turns beet red. “Oh my gosh that was so inappropriate! I am so sorry, you must think I am a total creep!” She exclaims, and you can’t help the smile that curls up your face at her embarrassment, or the way that your heart is beating out of your chest at her proclamation.

“Clarke, hey, it’s okay. I do not think you are a creep, actually, it’s kind of flattering.” She looks up at you but still looks mortified, so you decide to change the topic of conversation, but file away the fact that she wants to draw you for further examination.

“So tell me about your friends, you seem really close with Octavia.” You aren’t sure if a tad bit of jealously for Octavia and Clarke's relationship creeps into your voice, and if it does, Clarke doesn't seem to notice.

You scratch Bella behind the ears, and drop a kiss on her head, as Clarke starts to talk, seemingly relieved at the change in conversation.

“Well, obviously you already met Octavia. Her family and mine have been family friends since before we were even born. She is like my sister, and obviously a little ball of energy. Her brother Bellamy is like my older brother, he’s 20 but he doesn't mind hanging out with us kids, he’s really chill, pretty much the opposite of O. Then there Raven, my other best friend, she'd firey and passionate and really sarcastic. Then we have Monty and Jasper, they go everywhere and do everything together, they are kind of nerds but both so sweet. Monty is a great cook and Jasper is scarily good at video games. And then there’s Miller, Bellamy brought him into the group a little while ago and we are pretty sure he has an enormous crush on Monty, and vise versa, but neither of them will say anything to each other, we are trying to set them up!”

You listen as Clarke talks about her friends, a small smile on your face as she describes these people who you feel like you already know. Your smile grows a little wider at the mention of these two boys, Monty and Miller. If Clarke’s group is trying to set them up, you reason that they probably aren’t a homophobic group. Being gay, that’s something that is kind of important to you. You realize that Clarke has stopped talking.

“They all sound really cool, sounds like you have a great group.”

“Yeah, I’m really lucky. And hey, I hope this isn’t too weird but if you ever wanted to hang out with me and my friends we would be really happy to have you. I think you would get along great with them.”

You smile at the unexpected invitation, delighted that Clarke seems to want to see you again, outside of training sessions, and touched that she extended the offer of her friends to you. You nod your head, “I think I would really like that Clarke.”

She blushes a little as she holds out her hand, “Give me your phone, I’ll put my number in!” You do and she enters her number before sending herself a text. She is just handing your phone back to you when you mother walks into The Pit, Lexa’s parents trailing close behind.

“I told you we would find them here! And look at Bella! Seems like she has already warmed right up to you!”

You look down to see Bella sleeping peacefully in your lap and you smile at Abigail, “Yeah, I think we are going to do just fine together.”

You parents look ecstatic, “We are so happy honey! But if you don’t mind it’s about time we get home, it’s almost 3.”

You look down at your watch, startled at the late time and sad to be leaving the comfort of Clarke and The Pit. You wake Bella up gently and stand up, Clarke getting up next to you.

“Well, it was really nice to meet you Lexa. I’ll see you in a couple days for our first training session but feel free to text me before then if you have any questions, or want to talk or something.” She blushes at the last part and you hold your hand out to her, but she surprises you but grabbing your hand and yanking you into a hug. You rest your chin on her shoulder and cautiously bring your arms up around her, she is so warm and solid and her hair smells faintly of jasmine. You can’t bring yourself to end the hug, but the decision is made for you when Bella tugs at the leash a bit, seemingly impatient to get a move on.

You and Clarke separate, both blushing a little. You thank Abigail and tell Clarke that you look forward to seeing her soon. Your sister watches you with a strange look on her face, but doesn't comment.

It isn’t until you are settling yourself and Bella in the car that Anya turns toward you, a devious look in her eye and finally speaks, “So, Lexa, I see that we now have a hugging policy?”

You cringe at her words, it is a general rule that you don’t like much physical interaction, you barely hug your family, so Anya is understandably surprised that you hugged Clarke back, and she never lets an opportunity to tease you go.

“I didn’t want to be rude.” You mumble

“Oh sure, that’s it! It didn’t look like you were ever going to let go of the girl. Good thing Bella interrupted before you could embarrass yourself too much!”

Bella looks up at her name and whines to Anya for attention, which she happily gives, while you glare at her, “I was just being polite.”

Anya mumbles to herself and you look up to catch your Father’s eye in the rearview mirror, he is smirking at you and your Mom looks as if she is trying to conceal a laugh.

You thrown your hands up in frustration, “Really, you too?” You demand at your parents while they try to stifle their smiles, “She seems like a very nice young lady Lexa. You haven’t met one of those in awhile.” your Mom says, “And, she’s hot!” Anya pipes in.

You put your head in your hands, knowing you will be unable to win this argument. You love all the support that your parents and sister give you, but sometimes you wish they didn’t notice so much.

Bella whines and starts to lick your face, perhaps sensing your distress, and you snuggle your face in her fur, already so happy to have this dog to call your own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, I have changed the rating to M. I am not sure when I am going to go with this story (as far as the rating would be concerned) but I think it will stay at M for now. I will be introducing more of our favorite characters soon, so just sit tight!


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy this chapter! Sorry that I didn't get it up yesterday, but life really does get in the way of writing sometimes :)

**CLARKE**

You are looking at your sketchpad with a look of extreme aggravation when Octavia bounds into your room. You roll over on the bed to face her, and glance briefly at the clock, 10pm.

“Aren’t you supposed to be, like, at home?” you question her. She doesn't answer, but surveys the crumpled balls of paper scattered around you and the charcoal covering your hands.

You close your sketchpad quickly, not wanting her to see what you are drawing, but it’s useless when she begins picking up the crumpled papers and smoothing them out.

“So, I see that you have found a new muse?” She holds one of the pictures up to you. It is clearly Lexa, but you were unable to get her jawline right on that one so on the floor it went. She holds up another Lexa, this one with wonky eyebrows. She moves to pick up another one but before she can you lunge for the rest of the papers on the ground.

She bursts out laughing at the expression on on your face, one that you imagine looks slightly embarrassed and a hell of a lot annoyed. “Octavia,” you begin to warn her, but she starts talking anyway.

“I mean she was gorgeous but Jesus Clarke, we have like a full scale infatuation here and it’s been less than one day!”

“I am not infatuated! She just has very pretty facial features!”

The brown haired girl looks at you in complete disbelief and it isn't long before you crumple under her gaze, “Okay, fine, maybe I’m a teeny bit infatuated.”  
She jumps on the bed and wraps you in a huge hug before squealing in your ear, “YES! I knew it! It’s been so long! So when are you seeing her again, oh my god I have to tell Raven!”

You groan at her enthusiasm and Apollo looks up from his bed to see what the commotion is about. “Well I’m seeing her in a couple days for our training session with Bella and then I maybe, kind of invited her to hang out with us.”

You say the last part quietly, almost hoping she won’t hear, but she does. She stops texting and her mouth drops open, “Damn Griffin, you got game! When did that happen?! What did she say?”

“Well she said she would like that, but she was probably just being polite.”

Octavia immediately shakes her head, “Uh-uh, I saw the way she was looking at you Clarke, there is no way she isn’t interested.”

You don’t want to believe Octavia’s words, but feel a small blossom of hope begins in your chest anyways. You look over at your phone when it dings, to find a message from the girl you were just talking about. You feel a goofy grin cover your face when you reach for your phone and slide it open to see a picture of Bella and Lexa and a text below it.

_Lexa (10:13pm): Just wanted to thank you again for helping me find Bella today. She is fitting right in at home, I am looking forward to seeing you again._

You immediately text her back

_Clarke (10:14pm): It was my pleasure, I’m glad to see her go to such a good home, and I am excited to see you too! :)_

You deliberate the smiley face at the end for longer than is really needed, but at the end you send it, and feel your phone being snatched out of your hand by Octavia. She holds it away from you then hands it back, devious look on her face as she starts texting again.

Your phone dings again and you look down to find a message from Lexa and one from the group.

_Lexa (10:15pm): I wish you a good night’s sleep Clarke, I have to get to bed. Thank you again. :)_

You look over the group text, mortified to see that Octavia had sent the picture of Lexa to the group, and messages were pouring in. You throw a ball of crumpled up paper at Octavia’s head as you scroll through.

_aaaOctavia (10:15): Look at Clarke’s new crush! She adopted Bella today and Clarke is totally smitten!_

_Reyes (10:15): DAMN GIRL. She is hot! Clarke if you don’t jump on that I call next!_

_Monty (10:15): She’s adorable Clarke! Looks like her and Bella are getting along great!_

_Bell (10:16): Finally! Good choice Princess ;)_

_Clarke (10:16): GUYS i just met her today she probably doesn't even like me. Or girls._

_aaaOctavia (10:17): Don’t listen to her! I saw the way Lexa was looking at her, she totally digs her <3_

_Jasp (10:17): Clarke, can you find me one?? Maybe one that likes guys though..._

You exit out of the group message, knowing that it’s going to keep going on despite what you say. You love your friends, and their enthusiasm for you makes you smile, but you don’t want to get your hopes up for Lexa becoming anything more than a friend. You haven’t dated since you were 15 and it was Finn. Although it ended sort of amicably, you don’t even know if you know how to date, or be in a relationship. Finn only lasted 3 months, and you are worried about your lack of experience. A girl as beautiful as Lexa has probably been in tons of relationships, maybe she is even in one now. The thought depresses you and you frown down at your sketchbook.

Octavia seems to catch onto your train of thoughts. She snuggles up next to you and you put your head on her chest.  

“What’s wrong Clarke?”

“Okay, so say that against all odds she does like me. I don’t even know how to be in a relationship! How to be a good girlfriend! What if I just screw everything up? And what if she is already dating someone? She is gorgeous, there’s no way she’s single!” Your voice comes out sounding on the edge of tears.

Octavia stokes your hair comfortingly and it isn’t long before Apollo is snuggled up next to you as well.

“Sweetheart, you just have to be yourself. The rest will come naturally. You are such a catch Clarke, you are kind, and funny, and sweet, and down to earth, how could she not like you? Also the way she was looking at you today, I highly doubt she is in a relationship.”

You blush and mumble, “You are just saying that.”

She forces your head up so you can look her in the eyes, and you are taken aback by the serious look on her face, “No Clarke, I am not. Lexa would be so lucky to have you, and I think you should give it a shot. Even if it doesn't work out, you gain a pretty cool friend.”

You smile at Octavia and nod your head, “Thanks O, I guess you are right. You are staying over I assume?”

She laughs and nods, moving to your dresser drawer that is designated for your friends’ clothes and picks out a pair of PJ bottoms and one of Bellamy’s old T-shirts before snuggling back into bed with you and Apollo.

“Put a movie on, I’m going to shower quick.” You tell her.

After a shower, you hurry back into bed and jump under the covers, “I can’t believe we only have a couple weeks of summer break left.” you complain to her.

“Hey, senior year will be fun! We rule Ark High this year Griffin, and don’t you think I’m going to forget that!” You laugh at your friend’s theatrics and pick up your phone before realizing you forgot to text Lexa back. You hurriedly type out a response.

_Clarke (10:58): I am so sorry I forgot to text you back! You are probably already sleeping, but goodnight to you too Lexa!_

 

**LEXA**

It’s 3 days later when Clarke pulls up to your house in a rusty blue pickup truck. Apollo jumps out of the car quickly exited by Clarke, who, again, manages to take your breath away, not like the Florida heat wasn’t doing that for you anyway.  

She was dressed casually, in a pair of lightwash denim shorts and a dark blue tanktop, cut just low enough leave you with a tingly feeling in your stomach.

“Hey Lexa, and hi Bella!” She exclaims as Bella runs up to Clarke to receive some affection, not like you hadn’t been smothering her in kisses all weekend. You walk up to the pair and give Apollo a rub on the head and Clarke a wide smile.

You attempt to smooth back the wayward curls that have escaped your tight braid as you respond “Hi Clarke, it’s nice to see you.”

She smiles at you and motions to the back of the truck, “It’s nice seeing you too! Want to help me take some of this agility stuff out?”

You work together to pull out some standard pieces that you would see at a dog training course. Clarke also pulls out a baggie of treats and a clicker.

“Now, do you know what’s going to happen when she alerts you?”

You shake your head, a confused look on your face.

“What I mean is, how you will know that she is alerting you to an oncoming seizure.”

“Oh, okay, I understand. And no, I guess I didn’t really think about that.”

“Generally what she will do is act abnormally, she may bark at you, nose your hand, start licking you or whining at you; really anything she can do to get your attention and let you know that one is coming. We can even train her to fetch your medicine for you, as long as it is in someplace she knows such as in a bag or on a dresser. She will also alert the people around you if you don’t respond to her, and trust me, this little girl can make quite a fuss!” Clarke says with a chuckle as she rubs Bella’s head.  
You absorb the new information and pass Clarke Bella’s leash when she asks for it. Your hands brush the slightest bit, and you feel your cheeks warm as electricity courses up up your arm.

You both look up at each other, and you can detect a bit of affection in Clarke’s eyes. And something else. Want? Desire? You can’t tell, but pull your hand away before you embarrass yourself.

She straightens up too, looking a little disappointed, but motions you toward the agility course set up in your backyard.

2 hours later you and Bella are both exhausted after being put through the paces by Clarke. Not only does she have boundless energy, but she never seems to break a sweat, even with the temperature up near 85 degrees and humidity even higher than that. She seems to notice your exhaustion, “Okay, well I think we made some really good progress today!” She seems to debate something in her head before speaking to you again.

“I don’t know about you but I am boiling! I was going to head back to the house and jump in the spring, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come?”

You are too distracted by the knowledge that Clarke has a spring in her backyard, and the prospect of seeing her in a swimsuit, that you momentarily forget how to form words.

She must take your silence as a bad thing, because she quickly starts talking again “I mean, unless you have something else to do of course. That was so rude of me to assume that you had nothing planned. Wow I am just making a mess of this.”  
You have quickly gotten used to Clarke’s concerned rambles so you grip her arm gently to get her to look up at you. “I would love to join you Clarke. Just let me change into a suit quickly?”

She looks elated that you have decided to join, and nods in affirmation while you rush into the house. You almost collide with your parents who are coming out of the kitchen with guilty expressions on their faces.

Your gaze flickers from them, to the bay window in the kitchen, through which you can see Clarke, back to them, and you don your most intimidating glare. “Where you spying on me?” The glare is ruined by the way your voice rises in indignation at the end and they smile a bit, knowing that you aren’t really mad.

You shake your head at them, like a disappointed parent, “Well I assume you already know where I am going then?”

Then both nod, and you take off up the stairs again, but hear calls behind you of “Have fun baby girl!” and “Be safe!”

You rummage through your closet before deciding on a modest black one piece. You eye it carefully, but at the last minute trade it for another black piece with a lower back and some delicate cutouts along the sides. You shimmy into it before throwing on a simple purple cover-up.

In your bag you put your medicine, a change of clothes, a towel, a hairbrush, and some sunscreen. Despite your olive complexion you take the matter of sunscreen very seriously.

You hurry back downstairs, grab a spare set of keys to your house and yell goodbye to your parents.

Clarke is lounging on the back of her truck, having already cleared up the agility course. She looks perfectly content with her head tipped back and her eyes closed to the sun.

“Hey, Clarke, I’m ready to go.”   

“Oh, wow that was quick. Alright the dogs can go in the backseat and you are up front with me!”

She starts up the car and you notice that her hands tremble ever so slightly as she begins to back out of your driveway. Clarke is a slow and careful driver, she directs you to the radio and you put on your favorite alternative station, and look at her for approval.

She hums along with the song and smiles, but you notice her hands clutched tightly around the wheel, so tight it looks like she is ready to break it in two.

“Hey, are you alright?” You can’t help but ask her.

“Oh, uh yeah, I’m fine! Sorry, I just don’t like to talk while I’m driving, I really like to concentrate.”

“It’s okay.” You reply as you scan the absolutely empty road that Clarke is concentrating so hard on. You decide it’s a mystery for another day and crank down the window of the truck to let a light breeze into the car. The ride is silent for the rest of the way to the center but you notice Clarke ease up on the wheel as soon as you come in sight of her house.

She lives in a modest sized red house, surrounded by carefully tended to flowers and a white fence, you immediately like the homey feel of it.

“I love your house.” You tell her.

She looks at it a little wistfully, “Thanks, my Dad built it when we first opened the center. We wanted to be closer to the dogs.” You both climb out of the truck and almost immediately Clarke is back to her exuberant self. “If you want to come in I’ve just got to get changed and then we can head to the spring.”

Her phone dings and she looks at with a sigh, eyes quickly flitting over the screen as she unlocks the front door. She looks up at you sheepishly, “So, how would you feel about meeting more of the gang?”

You are a little disappointed that it won’t be just you and Clarke, but you also find yourself kind of excited to meet the rest of her friends.

“I don’t mind, I’d like to meet the rest of your friends.” She looks at you happily and gestures to a couch on your right. “If you want to get comfortable I’ll be down in like 2 minutes.” She promises as she heads upstairs.

You sit and look at Bella sitting patiently beside you. She has not left your side since you got her 4 days ago and having her here was like shedding off this 10 ton weight that you didn’t even realize you had been holding. You sat a little straighter, smiled a little easier, and already were becoming a little more social. A week ago you would never have agreed to go over the girl you like’s house and meet her friends. The idea of having a seizure in front of her, or even telling her about your condition, scared and embarrassed you beyond belief. Plus, who would want to deal with the responsibility of making sure you were okay, and calling an ambulance, and worrying about you if you did have one? You past friends certainly hadn’t wanted to deal with it. They all looked at you like a time bomb that could go off without warning, but with Bella, you felt as if you now had a diffuser.

And Clarke was something special, she knew about your condition but didn’t treat you any differently for it. She showed a genuine interest in your life; in you, and that was something you hadn’t experienced from someone outside of your family in a long time. You were still ruminating on this thought when Clarke came back down the stairs.

She is in a pair of denim cutoffs and her bathing suit top. You try your best to keep your eyes focused on her face, but with her skimpy bathing suit, you find this difficult.

Almost as if she knows what she is doing to you, Clarke smiles and grabs your hand. “Come on, let’s go have a little peace before the others get here!” She tugs you out of the house and you begin to worry obsessively if your palm is sweating in hers. As she curls her fingers through yours you stop worrying, and simply enjoy the feel of her soft hands in yours.

She leads you and the dogs through a small wooded area at the back of her house. A few minutes of walking later and you emerge at a beautiful little spring. You know that springs are abundant in Florida, but to have one this gorgeous in your backyard is almost unfair. The ground slopes down gently to the spring, and the area right before it is full of a collection of chairs. To your right you notice a well worn path that travels up a rocky slope bordering the spring.

Clarke sees you looking and chuckles, “Yes, we do jump off of that into the spring. It’s actually pretty deep, so no worries of getting hurt.” She says when she notices the slight concern on your face.

There is a small wooded area across the spring where you can make out a hammock suspended between two trees and you turn to Clarke in awe. “This is amazing Clarke! And totally unfair.” You add with a small pout.

She laughs and squeezes the hand that you just realized is still connected to yours. “Well, Lexa, you are welcome here anytime.” She turns around, “And you too Bella!”

The dogs look eagerly at the water but await their owner's’ commands before jumping in. Clarke chuckles, “Go ahead Apollo.” She says with a wave of the hand, and you wave Bella on too. Soon both dogs are splashing around in the spring, and you are pretty positive you see grins on their faces.

“So, want to go in the easy way or the fun way?” Clarke asks you while waggling an eyebrow. “I’m assuming the fun way is jumping off the cliff?” You ask.

“Oh come on that’s not a cliff! It’s like barely even a mound. Actually, we call it The Ship.” You look at her curiously, prompting her to explain.

“Okay well look at it, it kind of looks like a spaceship doesn't it?” You look at the rocks again, squint, turn to the side and look, but you just don’t really see it. You tell her this.

“Okay, so maybe we were six when we named it and The Ship sounded cooler than ‘The Mound of Rocks’” You giggle and Clarke slaps your arm and releases your hand, “Oh just take your dress off and let’s go!” You cheeks flush red at her comment, you know it is an innocent one, but you can’t help but imagine it in a much different scenario. Clarke has already shimmied out of her shorts, revealing teal bottoms matching her top and at this point you really can’t help but stare at her.

She is absolutely stunning. Her body is soft and curvy, but toned. Her legs are absolutely flawless and you can’t help but wonder how soft her skin would feel underneath your fingertips.

You shake your head to dispel your thoughts and quickly whip off your cover up, feeling a little embarrassed standing in your swimsuit and thinking that you really should have gone for the more modest one. Your thoughts stop in their tracks when you notice Clarke’s eyes hungrily roaming your body, she tries to be subtle about it, but when you bend over to put your cover up neatly in your bag, you can almost feel her eyes on your butt.

You smirk a little, knowing you can play this game just as well as she is, and start marching your way up to The Ship. Clarke follows after you quickly.

The path is only big enough for you to go single file, but you don’t think that Clarke is really complaining about the view, so you take your time climbing up the rocks and you eventually emerge on a small ledge up much higher than it had looked from the ground.

You feel a thrill of excitement go through you and realize that this is the most exciting thing you have done in years. You creep toward the edge of the ledge, as does Clarke, and surprise her by reaching out and grabbing her hand.

“Together.” You say and she nods, a happy grin on her face.

You begin a countdown, and at 3, you both jump of the rocky ledge and plunge into the water below.

 


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! Thank you for all the wonderful comments on this story, I cherish each and every one of them! I hope you enjoy this chapter and the introduction of the rest of the gang! thanks for reading and see if you can catch the subtle references from the show!

CLARKE

You let go of Lexa’s hand as soon as you hit the water, not wanting to hinder her ability to swim back to the surface. The water is cool but refreshing, and when you break the surface and take a big gulp of air, you can’t help but smile at how lucky you are.

You look over to see Lexa, an equally big smile on her face, but she is looking just at you. Your eyes roam across her face, but before you can do something stupid, you hear shouts coming from the path to the spring.

“We’re here bitches!” You hear Octavia scream as you see her round the corner, decked out in a neon pink bikini so bright it almost makes your eyes hurt. Raven, or you assume it to be Raven, emerges from the trees, carrying an inflatable dolphin that completely dwarfs her.

“Octavia, take this goddamn stupid Shamu before I pop it with one of the many sharp object you KNOW I have on me!”

Lexa looks a little concerned but you just laugh, “And that, is Raven.” you say, as the brunette girl drops the inflatable dolphin at the edge of the spring.

“Okay, first of all, her name is Sandy. Shamu is an orca you idiot.” Octavia says, smacking Raven over the head with one of Sandy’s fins, “And second, remember a certain bet you lost against me? Where you have to do anything I ask for the remainder of the day?”

Raven groans dramatically and plops down in her favorite chair.

“Hey guys!” You say as you exit the water, Lexa following close behind you. The dogs had already dried off on shore, and Bella comes over to lick Lexa furiously, seemingly already having missed her owner for the 5 minutes they were separated.

Octavia kisses you on the cheek and pulls Lexa in for a hug. She seems prepared this time, and she hugs Octavia back without hesitation.

“So, this is the famous Lexa?” Raven drawls, coming up behind you to introduce herself.

Lexa looks surprised “Famous?” She questions and Raven starts to chuckle, “Well of course, I mean, you are all Clarke has bee…” She doesn't get to finish her sentence before you tackle her into the shallow water, both of you hitting more sand then water.  

You look up to find Lexa smirking at you, “She had, uh, a bee on her!” you defend yourself, but Lexa’s smirk only grows bigger as  she offers both of you a hand to stand up. “So, you have been talking about me?” She asks, and you swear that her voice has a flirty edge to it.

“Um, no, not really.” You mumble and Raven laughs behind you. “Okay, okay, maybe I mentioned you!”

You storm off into the water, a little embarrassed but mostly needing to get away from Lexa and her goddamn beautiful eyes before you spill your heart out to her.

You swim out to Octavia who is resting peacefully on Sandy and you can’t resist the opportunity to flip her right off the inflatable dolphin. Her shriek as she enters the water is worth the revenge that you are sure is to ensue.

Before Octavia can cause you severe bodily harm, you spot Bellamy coming through the woods. You race out of the water, partly to avoid Octavia, and partly to give Bellamy a huge hug. He kisses you affectionately on the head and rumples your hair before striding over to Raven and Lexa.

He holds out a hand to her, “I’m Bellamy, O’s better half. Very nice to meet you Lexa.” She shakes his hand warmly and smiles up at him, Bellamy has a way of putting everyone at ease, and you are pretty sure that he is soon to become one of Lexa’s favorite people.

You pull Raven aside while Lexa and Bellamy chat, “Why did you say that you idiot?!” you ask her in a hushed whisper. “Oh chill out Princess, I just wanted to see how she would respond.” Raven leaves you hanging and looks at you expectantly.

“Okay fine, tell me how she responded.” She grins, “Well she blushed as red as a fire truck but she also looked very pleased. And maybe even a little smug. I like her.” She adds on at the end, and you can’t help the smile on your face at hearing Lexa’s reaction.

You rejoin Lexa and Bellamy who seem to be engaged in a rather intense discussion with lots of hand movements from Bellamy. “Are we interrupting something?” Lexa looks over at you and smiles, “No, Bellamy was just losing an argument about the best time period in history.” You roll your eyes, knowing that if you let Bellamy continue he will talk for hours about history.

“So, where is the rest of the gang?” you inquire of Bellamy “Jasper and Monty are in the middle of some high stakes video game tournament and Miller is at work. They should be here later on though.” You nod and turn to Lexa “Looks like you will just have to deal with us for the time being then.”

“You make it sound like that’s a hardship.” She responds, stunning you with her teasing behavior. You laugh and she takes your hand to pull you towards the water, but this time, you don’t let go.

It take a little bit of time for her to relax, but a couple of hours later, Lexa seems to be getting along well with everybody. She seems to like Raven best, always laughing at her sarcastic comments. Octavia is sitting on your lap, bundled up in a towel, and you notice Lexa sneaking glances at you every so often. When Octavia challenges Bellamy and Raven to a contest to see who can leap the farthest into the water off The Ship, you know that it is just a ploy to leave you and Lexa alone, not that you mind.

“So, are you having fun?” you ask her, “Actually Clarke, yes I am.” She sounds a little surprised to be saying that, and you try not to take offence to her surprise that she is enjoying herself hanging out with you. You remind yourself, that for someone like Lexa, who comes off a little reserved and shy, her idea of a good time may not be hanging out with a girl she met a couple days ago and her rambunctious friends. So, the fact that she is having a good time, despite that, makes you smile.

“You seem to really like Raven.” you question, “Yeah, she reminds me so much of Anya. I think they would either get along really well or tear each other apart.” she says, while chuckling.

Suddenly her laughter stops and she looks down, fiddling with her bracelet. You observe this to be a nervous habit and wonder what she is thinking about. She isn’t looking at you when she asks, “So, are you and Octavia, like, together?”

You try to contain the laugh that bubbles out of you, but it is impossible. Both you and Raven have been asked that question countless times, Octavia is just a very affectionate person, and sometime people mistake her affection as well as your close friendship for something more. You feel bad for laughing, noting how nervous Lexa was to ask you, and respond, “No, she is just really affectionate with everyone,” as you say this you notice Octavia giving Raven a kiss on the cheek, you gesture to it to prove your point, “plus, she’s not really my type.” You add in.

Lexa’s face immediately falls and you suddenly realize the way that your words could be misconstrued. That is the exact opposite of the impression that you wanted to give her. The words spill from your mouth before you can stop them. “Oh my gosh, no that is not at all what I meant. Um, I mean if you think that I meant she wasn’t my type because she is a girl. That’s not what I meant. I like girls. And boys. I’m bisexual,” you blurt out, and to your horror you can’t stop talking “I just meant that someone like O wouldn't be my type, I love her to death but she’s too high energy ya’know? I would probably kill her if I dated her. Plus, she is more like my sister. So uh yeah, I like girls, just not Octavia.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” an incredulous voice asks behind you. You groan, and turn to face the girl in question but Lexa jumps in, “Clarke here was just explaining to me, after a misobservation on my part, that you two aren’t dating but that she does likes girls.”

Your face is too red to even look at Octavia but you hear the laughter that bursts from her and soon enough you hear Lexa’s melodic laughter joining in as well. Apollo comes over to you and you slump down to press your face into his fur.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and look up to see a grinning Lexa, “I am sorry if we embarrassed you Clarke, but if that had been the other way around, you would have been laughing too.”   
She leans down to whisper in your ear, “Plus, just so there is no miscommunications, I like girls too.” You very nearly combust at her words and watch, with your jaw slack, as she walks to join Bellamy at the spring.

Raven, who comes and sits down beside you, cannot stop laughing at the dumbfounded expression on your face.  

LEXA

Your heart is very nearly about to explode out of your chest; whether from joy at finding out Clarke is indeed interested in girls, or exhilaration at the uncharacteristic flirtatious moves you have just pulled.

You reason that you probably sounded and looked ridiculous trying to be flirtatious, but when you risk a glance back at Clarke, you see that she is still staring after you open-mouthed.

Well, you guess that your attempts at flirting had been successful after all.

You walk up to Bellamy, who is sitting and reading at the edge of the spring, “You mind if I join you?” You ask in a soft voice, so not to disturb him. He looks up at you with a bright smile and closes his book, “Sit on down!” he says, patting the space next to him.

You are happy and more than a little surprised at the easy camaraderie that you feel around Clarke’s friends. You seem to fit right into the mismatched group and feel a smile forming on your face when you realize that you may have found somewhere that you belong.

Bellamy notices you smile, “So, are you enjoying yourself?”

You nod at him, “Yeah. I know it’s only been a day but I feel like I already know you all pretty well. And it’s not always easy for me to make new friends.”

You don't really mean for that last part to slip out, but Bellamy doesn't seem to mind. “Well I’m happy to finally have someone in this group who knows something about history. And literature?” He asks hopefully, holding up the book sitting beside him.

“Anna Karenina,” you nod in approval, “good choice! And yes, I have a slight obsession with literature.” The smile on his face is almost blinding, and it is in that moment that you realize that in the past week, not only have you gained an alert dog who will enable you to live life more normally, a crush on a beautiful girl who may actually reciprocate your feelings, but you have also gained some friends. Bellamy with his love of history and literature rivals even your devotion to the subjects, Raven, who reminds you so much of Anya you have to remind yourself that you can’t act like she is your sister, yet, and Octavia, who is already bringing you out of your shell bit by bit, purely by being herself.

You feel so content in the company of these people, and you are ridiculously surprised by the feeling.    

“You and Bella seem to be doing great!” Bellamy says, nodding down at the dog sitting steadfastly beside you.

You nod at him, “Yeah, she is an amazing dog, I already feel so much more comfortable having her around.”

Bellamy looks at her fondly, “She was one of my favorite of the seizure dogs. Has she alerted you yet?”

You don’t feel embarrassed at the mention of why you own Bella, and you figure this is partly to do with the way Bellamy is looking at you only with concern and compassion; you can’t detect a trace of pity or disgust on his face.

“No, she hasn’t yet. But I have a lot of confidence in her. She is already making living with epilepsy better than I ever could of imagined.”

“Well, as much as I wish it were under different circumstances, I am really glad that you came in to get a guide dog and you met Clarke. I haven’t seen her smile this much in a long time.”

You look up at him surprised, “Really?” He nods, “She has had some tough things happen in her life, but it’s not my place to tell you. But you seem to make her really happy, and that makes all of us happy.”

You shrug your shoulders, “I’m just being myself. And she makes me happy too.”

He smiles at you and you jump when you feel a soft hand placed on your shoulder. You turn around to see Clarke standing behind you, “So it’s getting a little chilly, I was wondering if you guys maybe want to head to The Pit and get some pizza or something?”

“That works for me!” Bellamy says, and you nod your head in agreement, before taking Clarke’s offered hand to stand up.

You let go regretfully when Octavia drags Clarke away to talk, and Raven falls into step next to you. She is quiet, but you can almost hear the thoughts churning around in her head.

You turn toward the girl, “Raven, what is it you want to ask me?” She looks at you surprised, “Come on, I can practically hear you thinking.” This gets a chuckle out of her before she turns serious again.

“Look, I don’t want to assume anything, or make anything uncomfortable. I don’t know what your intentions are towards Clarke, but I do want you to know that if you do anything to hurt her…”

You hold up a hand to stop her, filling in the rest of Raven’s thought by yourself, ‘you will have to deal with me.’

“I have no intention of hurting Clarke in any way. She is an amazing girl, and I would never want to act in a way that would make her do anything other than smile.” You wince at how mushy you sound, but Raven seems content with your answer.

You can’t help thinking to yourself though, that you would be hurting Clarke, simply by pursuing a relationship with her. Living with epilepsy is tough, but it also takes a toll on the people who care about you. You’ve seen it in the hushed voices of your parents over a hospital bed, your sister’s tear streaked face when you suddenly woke up after you weren’t regaining consciousness as quickly as you should be, your Dad’s drawn face as he struggles to find a way to pay for your medications and hospital bills and still provide for the family, the sleepless nights your family endures in hard plastic chairs lined up next to your hospital bed, just hoping that you will make it through okay.

You don’t want to put this burden on Clarke. She is so bright and, as Bellamy pointed out earlier, already has experienced something tough in her life, why would you want to add to her stress? You are a burden. No matter how many times your parents assure you that you or not, or how tight Lincoln hugs you as you are wheeled out of the hospital and tells you ‘I am so lucky to have you in my life’ you still don’t believe them.

Pursuing a relationship with Clarke would lead her into your world of hospitals and tests and panicked phone calls. You know that Bella will be an enormous help, but even she isn’t foolproof, and you understand that, although your life will change dramatically, you still have epilepsy. And it still sucks for you and everyone involved.

By the time you pull yourself out of your head you have reached The Pit. There is chatter going on around you and you realize that three boys you don’t recognize have joined you. Clarke pulls you over to them to introduce you.

“Lexa, this is Monty” she points a boy who looks to be of Asian heritage with an adorable smile, “Jasper,” she points to a tall and lanky boy with goggles on his head, you make a point to ask about that later, “and Miller!” she points to the final boy. He is dark skinned and extremely handsome and looks to be a few years older than you. He looks a little sullen, but that all changes when you stick out your hand and a huge smile transforms his face. “Very nice to meet you Lexa.” He says, before wandering away. Monty and Jasper pull you into a group hug with shouts of “So great to meet you Lexa!” and “You are even hotter in person!”

You wonder about this last comment, but when you see Clarke’s blushing face you decide not to ask. “So, what kind of pizza do you like?” Clarke asks.

When she does, the whole room falls silent and all heads turn toward you, waiting on your answer. You get nervous at the 7 people intently focused on you, “Uh, I’ll eat any kind?”

Octavia laughs, “Oh no Lexa, you aren’t getting out of this one. It’s tradition, what is your favorite kind of pizza?”

You are confused as to why this is such a big deal, but decide to answer anyway, knowing that is is generally an unpopular opinion, “Hawaiian”.

Clarke turns to look at you, look of surprise on her face, “With ham or bacon?” she asks. You can sense the importance of this question, even though you are only talking about pizza.

You reply, “Ham, of course.” And the group erupts into cheers. You look at Clarke desperately for an explanation, but Octavia comes up and slings an arm around both you and Clarke, “Wow, you two really are perfect for each other!” She exclaims and Clarke looks embarrassed.

“That’s my favorite kind too. It’s kind of a weird thing but everyone in this group only likes one really specific type of pizza, like they won’t eat anything else. We always joke that if two people like the same pizza they must be soulmates.”

She blushes heavily at the last part, “I just don’t see what all the commotion is about over pizza.” You say.

“Hey, I never exactly said we were a normal group of friends!” You smile at that and say, “In that case, may I ask why Jasper has what look to be ski goggles on his head? In the middle of summer? In Florida?”

Clarke laughs, “Oh, those are for some snowboarding video game he plays. He always forgets to take them off his head.”

“Hey Jas, take the damn goggles off your head!” Clarke yells across the room and he puts his hand up sheepishly to discover that, indeed, he has goggles on his head. He shoots Clarke a thumbs up and she smiles.

“So, let’s get the pizza order in, who wants to go pick it up?” It turns out that Raven is the one to lose a very intense game of rock, paper, scissors, so she will be picking up the pizza.

You watch Miller and Monty sneak glances at each other when the other isn’t looking and you nudge Clarke, who is sitting beside you, “Those two can’t stop looking at each other.” You say, pointing to the two boys.

She sighs, “I know! And we have tried and tried to get one of them to make the first move but they won’t! Monty is too shy and Miller is way too stubborn.”

You surprise yourself by saying, “Maybe I could go talk to them?”  
Clarke looks at you surprised but gestures toward them as if to say ‘Be my guest’. You decide to tackle Monty, because if you are being honest Miller still intimidates you a little bit and he is in a deep conversation with Raven anyways.

You slide in the seat next to Monty, “Hello Monty!” You say, not really sure how to bring up the fact that him and Miller have been eye tag with each other for the past hour.

“Hey Lexa!” He seems surprised but not unhappy that you have decided to talk to him. You decide a direct approach will be best, “So, is there any reason why you and Miller have been playing eye tag for the last hour but you aren’t over there talking to him?”

Monty looks at you shocked, clearly not expecting that to come out of your mouth.

He turns red and sputters a bit before coming up with a weak denial, “We are not!”

You roll your eyes at him, “Monty, I may be new here but even I can see that there is something going on there, or something should be going on. Every time you look away he looks at you!”

Monty sighs, “Is it really that obvious?” You nod, “Well, what if I go up to him and completely embarrass myself?”

“Are you really going to let that stop you from talking to him? Sure maybe you embarass yourself a bit but maybe it also turns out to be the best move you ever made.” You raise an eyebrow at him, putting on your most convincing face, “Just go talk to him!” You insist.

Raven has already left to get the pizza so there is a wide open space next to him. You pull Monty up next to you and subtly shove him in the direction of Miller before returning to Clarke.   

“Well, I think my work here is done!” you proclaim, she looks at you shocked as she watches Monty make his way over to Miller and sit down next to him

“You just accomplished in 5 minutes what we have been trying to do for months. We really are going to have to keep you around!” she jokes.

You blush at her flattery, but remind yourself why a relationship with Clarke Griffin would not be a good thing for her. You scoot a little farther away from her and motion Octavia over, who, as you had hoped, sits in the newly opened space right in between you.

When you sit too close to Clarke all your thoughts about being bad for her go out the window until you are left with just a pure desire to take her face in your hands and kiss her. And that wouldn't really bode well for your newly developed staying away from her plan.

You reason with yourself that of course you can still be friends, you just have to shut down the romantic feelings before they become too much.

This means definitely no more flirting. Or prolonged staring. Especially at her lips. Your eyes unwillingly watch her mouth as talks to Octavia, and her perfect pale pink lips are pretty much taunting you.

‘No more lips’ you remind yourself sternly as you focus on her eyes instead. Another bad decision, because now you are pulled into her glorious blue eyes. Her pupils are blown huge in the dim light of The Pit and you are sucked in as effectively as a black hole sucks in the surrounding light.

You stop looking at her at all; your plan already failing spectacularly, and you are relieved when Raven walks in announcing that, ‘The best thing in the world, plus the pizza, has arrived.”

It is a couple rounds of the most intense UNO games you have every played later when people begin to trickle out. Jasper and Monty say goodbye, and you notice with satisfaction that Monty and Miller actually hug goodbye. Miller and Raven announce that they have to leave shortly after, and when you look at the time, you realize you should probably get home too.

“Hey Clarke, I didn’t realize how late it was, I probably should be getting home soon.” She pouts adorably at you and then seems to realize something, “Oh shit, I drove you here didn’t I?”

You nod at her. “And you need a ride home.” You nod again “And it’s dark out.” Again, you nod, “Yes Clarke, it generally is dark out by 11 at night.”

Instead of laughing at your sarcasm she looks panicked, and shoots a look to Bellamy who nods at her, seeming to understand her silent plea.

“Hey Lexa, where do you live?” You turn toward him, “Right off of Cedarwood. Why?”

“Me and O live just a couple minutes before that, we could totally drop you off! If you don’t mind.” He adds on at the end.

“Yeah, thank you Bellamy, that would be great.” You look at Clarke confused, and she sighs before scooting her chair over to sit next to you. The Blake siblings make themselves scarce cleaning up pizza boxes and discarded napkins.

“I’m really sorry Lexa, but, uh, I can’t drive at night.” Your confusion must be plain on your face because she continues on, “I was in a really bad car accident a couple years ago. Ever since then I don’t really like to drive. Especially at night. Apollo can calm me down during the day when I drive but…”

She trails off and you place your hand on her arm, sorry that you pushed her to explain, when talking about it obviously makes her uncomfortable. You match the  previous strange behavior you had observed while she was driving; no talking, driving very slow, and hands clenched around the wheel, with this new information. 

“That is more than okay Clarke, I am sorry I pushed the matter.”

“Oh no, no, it’s okay. I mean, how could you have know?” she says

“Still, I should have noticed you were uncomfortable.” you say. She smiles a little at this, “Lexa, I don’t expect you to be able to read my mind, really, it’s okay. Are you sure you don’t mind going home with O and Bell? I could get my mom to drive you.”

You shake your head, “No, I don’t mind going with them at all, I just don't want to inconvenience them.”

Bellamy must hear this last part because he says, “Really Lexa, it’s no trouble at all.” Driving home with the Blakes is actually more of a blessing in disguise. You can’t imagine being in the cramped truck cab with Clarke, in the dark, your skin inches away from hers, and not embarrassing yourself by reaching for her hand, or, leaning over to kiss her.

Again, that would slightly ruin your whole ‘don't get into a relationship with her’ plan.

Clarke pulls the Blakes, and then you, in for a quick hug goodbye, and you notice that your hug with her lasts longer than the other two.

You call Bella to you and nod to the Blakes to confirm that you are ready to go.

“Text me when you get home?” She questions you, and you nod, “You two as well!” She says to the siblings, “Okay Mom!” Octavia says at the same time that Bellamy says, “Of course we will Clarke.” 

She waves goodbye, and you can feel her gaze on you all the way out the door.

 


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy this, we are getting more into lexa and clarke's budding relationship! this story probably won't be too much longer, but I hope you are all enjoying it so far, and thank you so much to every who comments/kudos/bookmarks/just reads this story- it means the world!

  
**Clarke**

You are mentally kicking yourself for how stupid you sounded with Lexa. You are sure that she would understand if you told her the whole truth, but despite how close you feel to her, you remind yourself that you have only known her for a couple of days.

It’s hard not to be completely open with her though. It feels so normal to have her sitting next to you, to have her hand clasped in yours. You are a little scared of the intense emotions that you are feeling toward Lexa, but, you think that she might be feeling them too.

Being with her makes you simultaneously exhilarated and relaxed; every casual touch and flirtatious look sends a wave of excitement through you, but sitting next to her simply talking or listening leaves you feeling peaceful. Lexa has the unique ability to send your mind into a frenzy one minute, but calm down the whirlwind of your thoughts the next.  

But overall, you aren't sure what to do with the overwhelming amount of happiness that spending time with her leaves you with. You don’t think you have smiled so much in a single day since the accident. You know that your friends noticed, they were sending you furtive looks all night, almost as if they were worried that you might just explode.

While you stew in your thoughts you make an effort to clean up The Pit; placing any uneaten pizza’s in the mini fridge that your mother finally caved and got for you, even if it only was to prevent the obnoxious amount of pizza that had piled up in your fridge at the house. You dump all the half finished cans of soda and clean up the table where it appeared that at least 5 decks of cards had exploded.

Satisfied, you lock the door to The Pit and follow Apollo on the path back up to your house, whilst checking your phone anxiously to see if everyone got home safely.

You walk into the kitchen and grab a glass of water before sitting at the kitchen counter. You thrum your fingertips on the table and jiggle your leg against the seat; all nervous habits you are trying to kick.

You are surprised when your Mom walks into the kitchen, donning a bathrobe and a sleepy expression on her face.

“You okay honey?” She asks you.

“Yeah, I’m fine, what are you doing up?”

She shrugs, “I heard you come in and just wanted to say ‘Hi’, I hardly saw you today!”  
Your Mother may work long hours, but she somehow always manages to make time for you, whether she sacrifices some much needed sleep or her lunch break, she always makes sure to check in.

You may only have one parent left, but she tries damn hard to make up for that fact. She sits down next to you at the counter and places her secret stash, a bag of chocolate candies, in front of you.

You gratefully unwrap one and pop it in your mouth, “Now, what is bothering you?” She asks, looking at you in that knowing way that you swear all Mother’s have.   
“I’m just waiting for everyone to get home. You know it makes me worried.”

She looks at you, eyes full of understanding. “Who are you waiting on?”

“Just O and Bell. And Lexa.” She must notice the way you blush or the way your mouth softens around her name, because she looks at you knowingly, pops a piece of candy in her mouth, and just says, “Lexa?”

You nod, “Yeah, I invited her over today after our training session.”

“And how did she get along with everyone?” she inquires, but you can tell that’s not really the question she is dying to ask.

“Really well actually! It took her a little bit to relax but once she did I think she really enjoyed herself. She seems really taken with Bellamy.”

Your Mother’s eyes widen, “Oh. Well, I guess my powers of observation are quite off.”

You realize for the second time today that you have unwittingly given someone the wrong impression, luckily, this time, it’s just your Mom.

“I just mean as a friend Mom, you know how Bell is, everyone likes him! Plus, she’s into girls.” Before you came out to your parents as bisexual 3 years ago, you couldn’t imagine having this kind of conversation with your Mom, but their continued support and unwavering love led you to become a little more open with them, now, you aren’t embarrassed to point out the attractive male AND female leads in movies, and your Mom makes it her mission to point out any cute girls she sees.

Although you have never dated a girl, you know that your Mom would accept any potential girlfriend just as she would a boyfriend, and you are eternally grateful for that.

“So, my powers of observation are on point then?” She asks, with a silly little smile on her face, “And what exactly did you observe?” you ask her.

You miss her answer when your phone lights up, and you pick it up anxiously to see a message from Lexa.

_Lexa (11:53pm): I am home safe and sound Clarke. I would like to thank you for having me over today, I had a really great time with you and your friends._

You smile stupidly at your phone, and also feel a weight lift off of your chest, knowing that she is home safe.

You look up at your Mother, realizing that you had completely ignored her in favor of your phone.

“I’m sorry Mom, what were you saying?”

“Well, let me just say, that if my observations are correct, that huge, goofy smile on your face can be attributed to a certain girl who just adopted a certain dog and who just texted you.”

You roll your eyes at her, but don’t disagree. She prods you gently in the side, like a teenager who wants to hear about her best friend’s first kiss.

“Okay, so maybe you are right and maybe I have a teeny little crush on Lexa.” Your Mom quirks an eyebrow at you, “Okay, okay, I really think I like her. Like a lot. Happy?”

You sound a little exasperated but can’t keep the ‘huge, goofy’ smile off of your face. Your Mom looks positively elated at this admission, “Well, I think she seems like a very nice, polite girl. And her parents were just great.”

“So, she has your seal of approval?” You ask her, somewhat sarcastically, but also somewhat seriously.

She nods, “I would like to meet her again though. But this time I will be the concerned and embarrassing Mother.” She kisses your head affectionately as you grumble, “While I would love to stay up and chat with you about Lexa, I do have to be up early tomorrow. You mind if I head to bed?”

“Of course not Mom! Thanks for coming down, and you know, supporting me and stuff.” You say this last part quietly, not wanting to make a huge deal out of it, but also wanting her to know that you really do appreciate all the support she gives you. You know that there are a lot of people in your situation do not have supportive parents, or who can’t be themselves for fear of their families reactions.

Predictably, she tears up a bit, and engulfs you in a big hug, “Of course Clarke. I will always love you, no matter who you love.” You nod into her shoulder, almost tearing up yourself.

She pulls back, “Now text that pretty girl back before she falls asleep on you!”  

You chuckle at this and oblige her by picking up your phone.

_Clarke (12:16am): Not sure if you are still up, but thank you for letting me know you got home safe! And thank you for coming today, I was really glad to have you over!_

You also answer texts from Bellamy and Octavia, both telling you that they got home safely, and as you make your way up to your bedroom you are surprised when another message from Lexa pops up.

_Lexa (12:18am): Of course Clarke :) I look forward to seeing you again._

You aren’t sure if Lexa means your next training session or if she wants to see you before that, but you decide to play it safe.

_Clarke (12:19am): Well, our next training session is in a week!_

_Lexa (12:19am): I was hoping that maybe I could see you before that?_

_Lexa (12:19am): If you would like to of course._

You grin at your phone, and quickly screenshot the messages to send to Octavia, knowing that she will want to see this. You think of Lexa sitting on her bed, anxiously awaiting your response, so you text her back before you text Octavia.

_Clarke (12:20am): I would love that, maybe tomorrow we can set up a day?_

You are so tempted to write ‘date’ but you don’t want to impose anything on Lexa, and you certainly don’t want to embarrass yourself if, despite everything you have noticed that points to otherwise, Lexa just wants to be friends.

You tap your fingers on your screen as you wait for her response.

_Lexa (12:22am): That sounds good to me. I look forward to hearing from you. For now, I’m going to say goodnight. Thank you again for such a great day._

You type back quickly, realizing that you are pretty exhausted yourself.

_Clarke (12:22am): Of course! Sweet dreams Lexa._

You think to yourself, that you will be dreaming of her all night long.

||

You dither around the kitchen the next afternoon, wondering when would be an appropriate time to text Lexa to set up your not date.

Raven walks in on your pacing.

“Are you on today?” You ask her. “Why else would I be here? To watch you agonize over Lexa?” You shoot a glare at her, “I am not agonizing. I am simply considering when would be the best time to text her.”

She flops down at your kitchen table, “Damn, O was right. You do have it bad.”

You sit down next to her, “Well what would you do?”

Raven points to herself, “Me? Well, I would have just walked up to her and kissed her by now. I mean seriously between the looks you two are shooting each other I’m surprised one of you hasn’t combusted yet.”

“RAVEN!” You exclaim, “We are not looking at each other like that! I don’t even know if she finds me attractive,” you pause on that, recalling the way that Lexa’s eyes had roamed over your body when you were in your bathing suit and remembering the way that her cheeks flushed whenever you so much as brushed hands.

“Okay, well I can see that the ridiculous notion that Lexa isn’t attracted to you is out of your head, so now what’s stopping you?”

You sigh and hang your head, “Honestly, I don’t really know. I just really don’t want to mess this up.”

“Well you know what will mess this up? Not doing anything. So get a move on and text her.”

You look at your phone on the counter debating, then Raven threatens, “If you don’t do it, then you better believe I will do it for you. And I really don’t think you want that to happen.” She says, and you agree with her.

Raven was the most, you struggle for a way to put it; sexually adventurous, of your group. There was of course nothing wrong with that, but Raven has purely causal relationships. Boys and girls alike, she simply didn’t understand what it was like to have your feelings at stake when talking to someone you were interested in, not just your pride.

She shoots you a look, one that tells you she will follow through with her threat, so you get up and snatch the phone off the counter.

_Clarke (1:20pm): Hey Lexa! Just wanted to text you to see if you still want to do something?_

_Clarke (1:20pm): Like do something this week, like we talked about last night._

_Clarke (1:20pm): Together._

_Clarke (1:20pm): Or with the group._

_Clarke (1:20pm): You know, whatever you want._

_Clarke (1:20pm): Uh, yeah, so just let me know._

You slam your phone down on the counter at the ridiculous series of texts you just sent and when Raven gestures for your phone, you hand it over, knowing that even she can’t make it much worse.

“Oh Princess, what is happening to you?”

“I don’t know!” You exclaim, “Thinking about her just like short circuits my brain or something. It’s pathetic!”

She shakes her head sadly at you, “See, this is why feelings are so overrated.”

Despite your embarrassment, you can’t bring yourself to agree with her. If even thinking about Lexa can turn you into a blubbering fool, then there is something strong going on there, something that you find yourself very eager to explore.

When Lexa doesn't text back you begin to get a little distressed, wondering if your strange behavior has finally scared her off. I mean first you invite her over to your house despite barely knowing her, then you tackle your friend when she reveals that you have been borderline obsessing about her, then you blurt out that you are bisexual while trying to communicate that you are not in a relationship with your female best friend, then you act really weird when it’s time to drive her home at night and get all embarrassed after telling her about the accident .

You actually bang your head down on the kitchen counter at how weird you have been acting, and are almost in disbelief when you see your phone light up with Lexa’s name.

_Lexa (3:45pm): I am sorry for the late response Clarke, I was at the pool with Anya. I would love to do something with you this week. Do you have anything in mind?_

You breathe a huge sigh of relief and immediately type out a message to her, not even caring if you seem too eager.

_Clarke (3:46pm): There’s this new art exhibit downtown that I have been wanting to check out, maybe you would like to go? And we could grab lunch or dinner? How would Thursday work for you?_

She also responds immediately.

_Lexa (3:48pm): That sounds great to me Clarke! And Thursday works for me but I won’t have the car._

_Clarke (3:48pm): I could drive, as long as we are home before dark._

_Lexa (3:49pm): Why don’t we grab lunch then, and then head to the museum? I am sure we will be home in plenty of time._

_Clarke (3:51pm): Sounds perfect! I know a great little outdoor Mexican place that will let us take the dogs, and the museum is guide dog friendly._

You hope that you don’t embarrass Lexa by bringing up the guide dog topic. Despite not knowing much about her condition, you can sense that Lexa is more open with you about her epilepsy then she is a lot of people. It makes you feel special in a way, although you wish that she didn’t have to suffer with such a condition.

_Lexa (3:55pm): I didn’t even think of that, I am still getting used to having Bella around. Thank you for thinking ahead._

_Clarke (3:56pm): Of course! So how about I pick you up around 1:30 on Thursday?_

_Lexa (3:56pm): Sounds good to me, I look forward to it!_

You smile in contentment at the idea of spending the better part of the day with Lexa, and you wonder if Lexa is smiling too.

 

**Lexa**

Thursday comes quicker than you had anticipated. Of course you are elated at the prospect of going on a kind of date with Clarke, but you are also nervous. Uncharacteristically, really, really, nervous.  

You know that Clarke is laid back and seems to like you just for you, but that hasn’t stopped you from keeping Anya trapped in your room all day as your throw outfits on the floor, fuss with your hair, and talk endlessly about your nerves.

You look over to the bed where Anya is perched, wanting her opinion on your latest outfit, and find her sleeping. The bed is covered in rejected clothes, and you look down at the pink sundress you have on, knowing that not only is this color so not for you, but you are being more than a little ridiculous.  

You remember your promise to stay away from Clarke, to not get involved with her, but if your frenzy over going out with her on an outing that isn’t even an official date is throwing you this much into a tizzy, you know that it is going to be impossible.

Despite your desire to save Clarke from your world of doctors and worries and medications, you simply cannot get over the way that she makes you feel. You make a deal with yourself that you will let Clarke know exactly what she is getting herself into; you will spare no details, and then let her decide.

If she runs away screaming, which you wouldn’t blame her for, you will know that you at least tried. And, if beyond your wildest dreams, she decides being with you may be worth it, that will be her choice.

You assure yourself that this is the best course of action. Also, your heartfelt phone call with Lincoln last night may have helped a little bit. Lincoln is a couple years older than you, and is soon to be starting his sophomore year at college. He is a psychology major, and can’t seem to help but imparting some of the wisdom from his classes onto you.

Plus, he is your best friend, and you always let your mouth run away from your head when you talk to him. He told you to stop thinking with your head, and let your heart guide you. As ridiculously cliche as it sounded at the time, the words kind of resonated with you.

You look in the mirror and remind yourself to ‘go with your heart’ before stripping off the pink sundress. You take a moment to ponder where you even acquired such a dress, before slipping into a pair of dark wash shorts, and a light grey tshirt. You layer some long necklaces on and are putting the finishing touches on your makeup when Anya wakes up.

You turn around to face her and she looks surprisingly pleased, “Looking good sis! The way you were going I was sure your were going to give up and walk out of here in a bathrobe or something.” She says, holding up some of the items of clothing on the bed.

“Thanks, sorry to make you deal with me all morning.” You blush a little, feeling bad for having monopolized your sister's whole day. “You know that I don’t mind Lex. But you also know that if this girl breaks your heart I will have to kill her, right?”

You get a little concerned at the determined and wholeheartedly serious look that your sister has, “I am kidding, mostly. I just haven’t seen you this excited over a girl, in, well, ever…” She trails off and you nod, “Just be careful kiddo, okay?” She says as she scoots out of the room, but not before pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head.

“Love you Lex.”

“Love you too Anya.” you respond. You call Bella, who you had given a bath this morning, half to distract yourself from the prospect of seeing Clarke and half because she had recently decided that grass was the most magical thing ever, and her light tawny coat was covered in green stains.

You affix the bright red guide dog bib over her chest and secure it to the back of her harness. You feel that the bib is a little unnecessary, but it gets you into places that dogs normally wouldn't be allowed, and for that, you are grateful.

Bella knows that the bib means that you are going out, and she wriggles her whole body happily at the prospect. You look at her fondly and get a little lost in your thoughts until she slobbers kisses all over your face. You step back from her, but could never be mad at such a display of affection.

You affix her leash to her harness and grab your pocketbook, checking to make sure that you have your medication, before going downstairs to wait for Clarke.

You check the time on your phone, 1:22pm, and glance at the last couple messages from Clarke, a smile creeping up on your face.

_Clarke (1:06pm): Just leaving here now, I will see you soon!_

_Clarke (1:07pm): You are still good to go right? OMG I didn’t even check with you!_

Before Clarke could start one of her rambles, that were quickly becoming routine, you had texted her back quickly

_Lexa (1:07pm): Yes, Clarke, I am all ready to go. See you soon!_

_Clarke (1:08): Oh, thank goodness! I’ll see you soon!_

You wonder if Clarke is this way with everyone, or if it is just nerves that make her so disorientated when talking to you. You don’t mind, in fact, you find it rather endearing.

You are sitting on the steps and scratching Bella’s head when your Mom rounds the corner, arms laden with freshly washed towels.

“Oh, honey, you look beautiful! You excited for your date?”

“It’s not a date Mom, I’ve told you that like 5 times already.” She grins, “Well, what else am I supposed to call it when two girls who clearly like each other go out to spend time with each other?” You groan, your family's excitement over your interest in Clarke is almost too much.

You know that you have never really expressed interest in anyone before, or have been way too shy to admit it. A couple weeks ago, going on a date would have been entirely out of the question, so you understand their excitement at you engaging in more normal teenage activities.

Your Mom grabs a lock of wayward hair and twists it back behind your ear, “I’m sorry honey, I don’t mean to embarrass you. I am just happy to see you so happy.” Any annoyance with your Mom immediately fades, and you remember that your illness has been hard for her too, and all she ever wanted was for you to live a normal and happy life.

You know your life will never be completely normal, but you are getting there.

You hear a car pull up outside, and your heart leaps into your throat at the sight of the rusty blue pickup truck. Before you can even gather your things, Clarke is bounding out of the truck and heading up to your front door.

Your Mom opens the door to reveal her standing in a cornflower blue sundress that perfectly matches her eyes. She has her blonde hair down, but the front is braided to the back of her head. Most attractive, however, is the blinding smile that erupts on her face when she sees you. You blush at the knowledge that this smile is just for you.

When neither of you speak, but just stand there looking at each other, your Mom clears her throat, as if she was interrupting a private moment, and offers her hand to Clarke to shake. “Very nice to see you again Clarke, you are looking lovely.”

“Oh, thank you Mrs. Woods!” she says, as you both snap out of your trance. Your Mother chuckles, “Please, just call me Sherry.” Clarke nods, “Hi Clarke, as my Mom mentioned, you look great.” She blushes at your comment, “So do you. Look great, I mean. Amazing actually.”

You grin at her compliment, and gesture to her still running truck, “Want to get going?” She looks back at the truck, as if momentarily confused as to what she is doing here, and nods her head.

You and Bella head out of the house and your Mom gives you a quick goodbye, “Have fun girls! And remember, call me if you need anything!” You nod vaguely in her direction, your mind already millions of miles away, or more accurately, a few steps away, where Clarke waits beside the open door of the truck.

Bella jumps in next to Apollo, who you notice dons his navy blue emotional support animal bib, and you slide in the front seat next to Clarke after making sure Bella is settled.

As Clarke starts the car up and heads out of your driveway, you notice that she seems a little less tense than last time. You wonder whether to credit it to Apollo, who is standing on the seat right behind Clarke with his head out the window and subtly touching his owners shoulder with his, or to the fact that you now know about her reservations due to driving.

She switches the radio on and you fall into easy conversation, you find yourself asking Clarke about her school, really interested in the mechanics of a public high school versus your experience with homeschooling.

“Sorry I am asking you about school so much, I must sound like all those lousy relatives you see once a year at Christmas who, without fail, ask you how school is going. Trust me, it even happens when you are homeschooled.”

She chuckles at that, “I don’t mind you asking at all, and trust me, your questions are a lot more interesting than my Aunt Deena’s.”

You laugh, and she continues talking, “Any particular reason for your interest?”

You respond, “I’m mostly just curious. Lincoln hated high school and doesn't like to talk about it and Anya went to this really weird, progressive charter school. I have all these ideas about high school from movies and books; mainly I’m wondering if it’s actually as bad as it seems. Especially since my parents are considering sending me for my last year.”

You let this last part slip out quietly, but you can tell Clarke heard it from the way she jerks the steering wheel in surprise and almost sends you careering off the road. You look at her in slight shock and she quickly adjusts the wheel to get you back in your lane.

She isn’t looking at you when she speaks, “I am so sorry about that, just took me a little bit by surprise I guess! But, um, what school would you be going to?”

You look at the road ahead as you speak, “Archbishop Kent High School, I believe most people call it Ark High?”

She looks at you, excitement palpable in her gaze, “That’s where I go! And the rest of the group!” Of course you remember this. The second your parents had announced that they were thinking of sending you to school for your last year, you asked which one, knowing that Clarke attended Ark.

Not only did Bella make school a very realistic possibility, but your Mom really needed to go back to work to help support the family. Your Dad has a great job, but with Anya’s college expenses and your medical bills, you know that you are struggling a bit. Without the full time job of homeschooling, your Mom could easily get work.

Plus, you have been getting pretty bored with homeschooling. Your Mom is insanely smart, but her mind works in calculations and equations whereas yours works in prose and poetry. You would love to have someone to engage in discussion about the merits of society in _Pride and Prejudice_ or about the allegory in _Moby Dick_.

“Of course, it’s just a possibility. I still have to do some testing to see if my education is up to par with what the school teaches.”

Clarke’s happy air deflates a little at that, so you keep talking, “But my Mom has done a really  good job teaching me, and most of her materials are from the public school system, so I should be okay.”

She lights up again, and is still smiling at you when she pulls into the small parking lot of a place called _La Salsa_.

“ _La Salsa_ ,” you comment, “what a creative name for a Mexican restaurant.”

This gets an eye roll from Clarke, “Trust me, the food is much better than the name suggests.”

The hostess sits you both at an outdoor table that faces the small park next to the restaurant. The dogs garner some looks from the other customers, but otherwise, no one makes a big deal about it. They situate themselves at your feet and the hostess generously comes back with a bowl of water for the dogs to share.

Clarke leans across the table to speak to you, “I would really love it if you ended up coming to Ark High. High school isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be. The biggest hurdle is probably making friends, and you already have all of us!”

You smile at that, and briefly wonder is Clarke is popular at her school. With her bubbly personality and beautiful looks you imagine that she is.

“The group would be so excited too!” You can tell that you have a surprised look on your face, “Really?” You ask.

“Of course! They all loved you! Octavia is badgering me to have another get together so she can see you again, Bellamy is dying to talk to someone about this new book he read, The Ghost something, and Monty and Jasper want to inaugurate you into their video games.”

You smile at this unexpected knowledge, not only did you like Clarke’s friends, but somehow, they actually liked you too.

“Have you ladies decided on anything? An appetizer maybe?” Your waiter comes over to ask you, and you both glance guiltily at the still unopened menus laying in front of you where the hostess had placed them. He chuckles, “No worries, take your time ladies.”

You open your menus and peruse the selections, surprised to see that they actually have a lot of authentic Mexican food.

“Want to get some guacamole as an appetizer? It’s like my favorite thing here.” You nod at Clarke, “Of course, do you know what you are getting for lunch?”  
“Yes, its classic but they have the best chicken quesadillas here. What are you thinking of?”

You glance down again, “Maybe the chicken enchiladas with green mole sauce?”

You relay your orders to the waiter and fall into a companionable silence while you sip your drinks. Clarke had convinced you to get some fruity virgin drink called a ‘Mexican Sunrise’ and although it looks frilly and was expensive you find yourself enjoying it.

You talk about inconsequential things while you munch on some of the best guacamole you have ever had, but conversation comes to a halt when you are delivered huge plates containing your meals. Just looking at it makes you full.

Clarke laughs at the expression on your face, “I thought this was supposed to be lunch?!” you exclaim. She shrugs and bites into a slice of quesadilla, “I kind of forgot about how big the portions are here!”

“So tell me about this art exhibit?” You say before stuffing another piece of enchilada in your mouth. You reason that you probably don’t look very attractive doing it, but the food is just too good.

Clarke immediately lights up, her blue eyes shining as she begins to talk, she is so excited that she forgets she has food in her mouth so her words come out a little garbled, “It’s an exhibition featuring these two artists Melanie Putt and Gregory Hunt. It features their individual work and some of their collaborations. Melanie does lots of watercolors and very soft pieces, while Gregory does mixed media and really bold acrylics. I am really excited to see how they combined their styles in the collaborations!”

Clarke is practically vibrating with excitement, “Wow, art is a really special thing to you isn’t it?” She nods and her cheeks flush, “Oh gosh no, don’t be embarrassed. You are so passionate about art, anyone can see that, and the way you light up when you talk about it, it’s beautiful. Not everyone has something that they love that much.” You say. When you call her beautiful the red on her cheeks only darkens and this makes you smile.

You turn you eyes back down to your plate before they steal up to hers again. You are suddenly locked in her alluring blue gaze and you are both still staring at each other when your waiter, Charles, comes by with the bill.

He clears his throat gently, the second time that someone has done that to you two today in order to bring you out of the haze of each other, and you both snap out of each others gazes.

He sets the bill on the table, “Have a great afternoon you two!” He says and you swear that his voice has a teasing edge to it.

Once the bill is settled you walk out to the car, “Thank you for showing me this place Clarke, I really enjoyed it. Plus, the company wasn’t too bad.” You say to her with a playful wink. She giggles at that, “Yes I agree, Charles really was such a nice guy.” She says, you let out a noise of disbelief and she turns to you, eyes laughing, “And, I guess spending time with you was nice too.”

She nudges your shoulder with hers and smiles at you and you really think that if you could make Clarke smile every second for the rest of her life, you would. She must notice the dopey smile on your face because she adopts the same one, and as you go around the truck to get in, you know that you are both smiling like love struck fools.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sad to say that this is the last chapter of this story, I may return to this AU-verse at some point (clexa in school with their dogs!!??), but I won't have much time to write during the next couple months, so I decided to wrap this up! I hope you all enjoy the conclusion to "Guide My Heart", thank you for taking the time to read my words!

**CLARKE**

Lunch with Lexa was a thousand times better than you had expected. You had been in a fit of nerves all morning, and while getting dressed you actually made yourself so nervous that you got sick to your stomach and had to lie down, with Apollo’s head on your chest, until you calmed yourself down.

The second you saw Lexa, all of your nerves disappeared like they were never even there. One look at the smile stretching across her face, and her green eyes lighting up in excitement was enough to make you forget all of the  thoughts in your head.

Being around Lexa frequently made all your well intentioned thoughts fly out of your head and left you staring at her like an idiot, blurting out embarrassing things, or almost driving the car off the road.

Granted, that last one had to be credited to shock and excitement. The idea of seeing Lexa everyday, and joy for her at the ability to get at least one year of a typical high school experience, made you a teeny little bit out of control of the car.

Now, sitting in the seat across from Lexa, your body feels out of control. Your whole body is tingling, as if simply being near Lexa sends your body into a frenzy; you reason that it probably does.

You start up the car and head to the Folk Faulkner Museum. The car is quiet, but in a very comfortable way. Lexa has the window rolled down and her hair is blowing in the wind. You absentmindedly note that it is completely unfair for someone to be so gorgeous, and, that you would love to draw Lexa right now. She looks so at peace, and with the late afternoon sun shining on her tan skin, she looks almost golden.

Your fingers begin to twitch like they always do when you start imagining a sketch, and mapping out how you would draw Lexa in your head takes you all the way to the museum parking lot.

You look around, a little confused as to how you got here, not really remembering the last few minutes in the car, but Lexa looks content so you assume that you didn’t run anybody over or blast through a red light. You have found driving with Lexa to be almost as comforting as having Apollo in the front seat, and with the both of them in the car, you have never felt more relaxed at the wheel.

You and Lexa exit the car and you can’t contain your excitement at the prospect of seeing the exhibit, you are bouncing on the balls of your feet and Lexa is looking at you with an almost adoring smile on her face.  
You don’t even think twice about grabbing her hand as you lead her into the museum; a dog at your side, a stunning girl holding your hand, and a smile on your face.

||

You are pretty sure that Lexa is tired of hearing you ramble on and on about these two artists, but you really can’t help yourself. If you were her, you would have tuned yourself out hours ago. You aren’t totally sure how you managed to stay in the exhibit for that long, but Lexa didn’t seem to mind.

She asked questions about the art; about the artist's’ style and medium. She was also able to pick up the emotion behind each piece, something that even you have trouble doing sometimes. She seemed to genuinely have a good time, although you did notice that she started at you more than she stared at the artwork.

Before you could really think about it, you had questioned her on it, and with a deep blush coloring her cheeks, she mumbled a sentence that took your breath away, “Your face when you are looking at the art is more stunning than anything in here.”

By the end of her little surprising declaration, she was staring right into your eyes, and you are pretty sure that you saw her gaze flick down to your lips a few times.

Sitting across from her at the museums little cafe, you find your eyes wandering to her lips, and thinking about what it would be like to kiss her.

Would her lips be soft and yielding? Or would she be firm and commanding? You aren’t really sure how long you have been focusing on her lips when she taps your arm gently, prompting you to look at the rest of her face.

She gestures to the window and says, “As much as I would love to stay here, it’s going to get dark in about an hour, I thought that you might want to get going?”

You curse yourself for your ridiculous inability to drive at night, and therefore cutting your time with Lexa short but nod and stand up.

This time she takes your hand as you leave, and her thumb rubs small circles on your hand, making you shiver, and wondering what her hands would feel like elsewhere.

You blush just thinking that and you notice her looking at your out of the corner of her eye. You are fairly certain that she is following your line of thinking.

You get in the car and regretfully let go of her hand, “I had a really nice time today Lexa, I would love to spend more time with you but I do have to get home before it’s dark out. I’m really sorry about that.”

She is shaking her head at you before you even finish your sentence, “Clarke, please do not apologize, I understand, and I’m not upset. I had an amazing time with you today as well.”

You nod, feeling reassured, and start up the truck. The dogs are tuckered out in the back seat, Apollo has his head on Bella’s back and she is tucked into him. You gesture to them. “I guess our dogs like each other too.” You say.

It takes you a second to realize what you just said. Neither of you had explicitly talked about your feelings for each other yet; although it is obvious that they are there, neither of you have admitted it. So, in about 30 seconds, you had managed to very casually admit your feelings for the girl sitting next to you while also implying that she has feelings for you too.   

Before you can get too embarrassed, Lexa smiles and nods, “I guess they do. Bella is a lucky girl.” She says, but you have the distinct feeling she isn’t really talking about the dog.

You pull out of the parking lot, contemplating your next move. You aren’t sure if you should bring up what just happened or let it go. You look at Lexa out of the corner of your eye to see her chewing on her bottom lip, her hands clasped tightly together in her lap.  
She looks to be contemplating something, and whatever it is she is thinking hard about it. Just as you see her open your mouth and hear her say your name, Bella shoots up in the backseat. You jerk the wheel in surprise, mentally noting that you should really get less jumpy if you want to keep your car on the road.

Before you can look back to make sure the dogs are okay, Bella is jumping into the front seat with you, right into Lexa’s lap. She starts to furiously lick her face but Lexa just looks perplexed. It isn’t until she starts whining and nudging her arm that you both suddenly get it.

Lexa lets out a steady stream of “Holy shits!” while you quickly pull the car off the road. You are pulled over right at the edge of what appears to be a cornfield, and as soon as you stop the car you turn to Lexa.

“She is alerting you.” You state, rather needlessly. She nods. “To a seizure.” She nods again. Then you exclaim, “What the hell am I supposed to do?!”

This seems to snap Lexa out of her trance, and she gently moves Bella off of her and dumps her bag out in her lap.

She picks up a bright orange pill bottle and you look around the truck, finding a half full water bottle and handing it to her. You notice her hands are shaking as she fumbles with the bottle cap. She eventually pries it open and she quickly downs a small white pill with a swig of water.

“Is that it?” You ask her. She nods, “I’ve never taken the pills before so I have no clue what is going to happen. It’s supposed to stop the seizure from happening, but only if I take it early enough.”

You start up the car, “Okay, so hospital?” You question, but she shakes her head furiously, “No, no, I don’t need to go. I’ll be okay, they just told me I should lay down if I can and try to relax for about a half hour.”

You look at her, really not sure about not taking her to the hospital. She looks at you, her eyes pleading, “Please Clarke, I promise, I don’t need to go. I just…” She trails off and you are stunned to find that there are tears running down her face. She rushes to wipe them away, but you gently grab her chin and turn her face towards you. You wipe the tears off with your thumbs, “Lexa, hey it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

She shrugs out of your touch, but you are way too worried to be offended by it. “I just, want to live a normal life! You shouldn’t have to be taking me to the hospital or worrying about me! It’s not fair to you because now you will feel responsible for me, and you shouldn’t have to.”

You study her for a minute, almost in disbelief at what she is saying, “Is that what you are upset about? That you have a disorder completely out of your control that you think is an inconvenience to me?” You almost sound mad at the end, mad that such a wonderful person thinks of herself in this way.

She spread her hands, as if pleading for you to understand, “This is my life Clarke. Even if this medicine works and can stop my seizures, they still can happen. I practically have my own room at the hospital. I can’t even tell you the amount of grief and worry and stress I have caused my family, and the amount of money they have spent on me. My dad works every hour that he can, and even my Mom is going to have to pick up a job. My life is stressful, and it causes the people I love to be less than happy and worried about me, and that’s not okay. You don’t deserve anything less than someone who can make you endlessly happy. I’ve always been such a burden, you don’t need to deal with that. ”

She mumbles the last part quietly and you are appalled at what she is saying, no one should think of themselves in such a way. You again grasp her face gently in your hands, and look right into her teary eyes as you talk to her.

“Lexa, let me just say first off that you are the farthest thing from a burden, you are a gift. I am so lucky to have you in my life, you have brought me so much happiness in the short time that I have known you. Yes you have epilepsy and yes it sucks, but you know what? Pushing people away is not going to make them stop caring about you. It would be a privilege to worry about you, to be in a position where you mean so much to me that I worry if you are okay. You can try to push me away all that you want, and maybe it has worked before, but no matter how much you think you are trying to spare me, I am not going anywhere. I can’t believe that you carry around so much anger at yourself, none of this is your fault, all you can do is live with it, and let the people that care for you help you.”

Tears are streaming down both of your faces when you stop talking. You just stop to catch your breath, completely intent on keeping talking until you can get these ridiculous notions out of Lexa’s head.

But she surprises you when she surges forward a few inches, and connects your lips. The kiss is salty from your tears and in your surprise you knock noses with her, but it is perfect. It is soft and chaste, but it isn’t long before Lexa’s hand snakes up and cups the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair. Your hands drop from her face to rest of her waist, and you turn your head to deepen the kiss.

She runs her tongue along your bottom lip, and you open your mouth eagerly, unable to hold back a small moan of appreciation when her teeth glide across your lower lip. Her hold on your hair tightens a little bit at the sound you make and you force yourself to pull back before you lose it completely.

You are both breathing heavily and the look in Lexa’s eyes is enough to make your insides begin to quiver. She rests her forehead against yours, and you suddenly remember why you are parked on the edge of a cornfield in the first place.

You regretfully disengage from her, and she looks so concerned that you press a quick kiss on her forehead to reassure her, “We need to get you in the back of the truck so you can lay down, remember?”

She also seems to have forgotten about her possible impending seizure, but pouts adorably when you push her gently away from you, motioning toward the door.

You let the dogs out and grab the old quilt you keep in the back of the truck, mainly for when you and Octavia go stargazing.

You climb into the back of the truck and offer Lexa a hand to help her up. You lay the quilt down and she sits down on it across from you.

Out under the open sky she looks scared, and something you have never seen before, vulnerable.

You scoot over closer to her and instruct her to lay down, you guide her head into your lap and quickly find yourself running your fingers through her brunette locks. She looks up at you and you can’t stand the scared expression in her eyes, “Hey, Lex. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” You sooth her, she speaks to you in a quiet voice, “So, you really think that you want to put up with me?”

You shake your head, exasperated, but note the hopeful glint in her eyes. “Of course Lexa.” She sits up, despite your protests, “Then, Clarke Griffin, I would like to ask you on a formal date.” Her mock serious tone makes you giggle, “I would be honored Ms Woods.”

She nods satisfactorily and lays back down, Bella snuggled into her side. You pass the next few minutes in silence, and finally, you have to ask, “Do you think it worked?”

Lexa catches on immediately, “If nothing happens within the next 15 minutes, then yes, it worked.” You can hear the catch in Lexa’s voice, the almost uncontainable excitement, but also the risk for severe disappointment. You can see that she doesn't want to let herself get her hopes up too much.

She suddenly looks up at you, concerned, “Clarke, it’s dark out, what are we going to do?” You look around absently, not having noticed that the sun had set, and sigh. You steel yourself, “I guess I will just have to deal with it.”

She must see the ways your hands have started to shake or how your voice catches in your throat because she shakes her head, “No Clarke, I could drive! Or we could call someone to come get us.” She already is reaching for her phone before your hands come down to hers to stop her.

“Lexa, no, it’s okay. I can do it.” Your voice quivers and Lexa looks up at you. You can see your pain and fear mirrored in her stormy green eyes, and suddenly, you want to tell her.

“Lexa, there’s something I didn’t tell you about the night of the accident.” She looks at you curiously and grips your hand, encouraging you to continue, “That night, I was driving. The car was hit by a drunk driver, the passenger side was completely smashed in. The thing is, my Dad was in that passenger seat.”

You manage to choke out the last bit before you find that you can’t speak anymore, Lexa grips your hand harder, and she offers her condolences and understanding through one glance. She doesn't need to speak for you to feel the comfort she offers you. Then, she cuts right to the heart of your pain, “You know that the accident was in no way your fault, right?”

You merely shake your head, unable to agree with her. “Clarke,” her voice is quiet but strong, causing you to glance up at her, “that accident was completely out of your control. I cannot even imagine how terrible that must have been,  but I do understand harboring guilt for something that is out of your control,” she pauses for a second, and you realize the parallel between the guilt Lexa harbors for her illness and the guilt you hold for the accident, “and maybe we can help each other to accept that we can’t feel guilt for the rest of our lives for something we had no say in. What matters is how we move on from it, and I think that’s something you are starting to help me realize.”

Your smile at her is bittersweet, still tangled up in the memories of your beloved father, Jake, but also processing Lexa’s words, wondering if you could let go of some of the guilt that you have been shouldering; some days, you feel like Atlas under the weight of your guilt.

“Maybe you are right Lexa, maybe we can.”

**LEXA**

The sympathy you feel for Clarke is overwhelming, but you know that hollow phrases like “I'm sorry” are meaningless to her and said all too often. You recognized immediately her guilty expression, the idea that she thinks that the accident is her fault is almost enough to make you cry.

But, you reason with yourself, maybe that is the same way your parents, and Anya, and Lincoln, and now Clarke, feel when you place the blame of your illness on yourself. You wonder if you cause them more pain by blaming yourself, than your illness actually does.

You can’t help but be thankful, for the hundredth time, that you met Clarke and Bella. You gaze up at Clarke, her blue eyes luminous in the moonlight, and her hair a golden halo framed by the stars you can see blanketing the sky.

Clarke seems to snap out of her reminiscing and looks at you excitedly, holding up her phone to show you the time. It is 8:43, 45 minutes since you took your medicine, and you know, that you are out of the woods.

You sit up and aren’t all that surprised that you instantly burst into tears. Clarke looks momentarily concerned until she sees the huge smile on your face and her answering grin is just as big, she squeezes your hand, “I am so happy for you Lexa!” she exclaims, and it doesn't take long before she is pushing her lips against yours and you are responding eagerly.

You nip on Clarke’s bottom lip, and are again rewarded when she lets out an involuntary moan that makes you shiver. You drop your head to her neck and place fleeting kisses along her ivory skin, before sucking on her pulse point, which is pounding rapidly against your lips.

Her head falls back and she lets out a whine when your teeth join your lips on her neck. She impatiently pulls your lips back to hers, kissing you hungrily and when she puts her hands on your waist to pull you closer, you find your lips stretching into a huge smile.

Clarke pulls back and looks at you, her hair mussed and pupils blown wide, you are positive that she is the most beautiful creature that you have ever seen, and, for some unfathomable reason, she wants to be yours.

Her answering smile is huge as well, “I really, really like you Lexa.” She says, rather unnecessarily, but you smirk and lean in to whisper in her ear, “I really, really like you too Clarke.”

Before either of you can say another word the sky suddenly opens up and releases torrents of rain upon you. In that way that Florida storms are, it was completely unexpected. You and Clarke are quickly soaked through and the dogs jump out of the truck bed in a fit of joy, eager to run around in the rain. You could be upset, but the rain is warm and you are sitting with a beautiful girl who you just kissed you and you can’t help but start to laugh in an expression of pure joy.

You stand up in the truck bed and pull Clarke up with you; your hair is plastered to your head and your phone is probably ruined, but you can’t stop laughing. Clarke is now cracking up too. So there you stand, in the back of a rusty blue pickup truck, parked in a cornfield, having just avoided a seizure, with a beautiful girl who likes you by your side.

You pull Clarke in for another searing kiss, but before you lose yourself you pull away, looking into her eyes, which are bright with excitement. The dogs are barking and the rain is coming down and you think, **that this couldn’t possibly be any better.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note that if this was not a story I would highly recommend taking someone to the hospital if you were in a similar position, but that's the beauty of writing a story, we can bend reality a little bit :) hope you all enjoyed!


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